Extra-nest Affairs and Eagle Envy Cited as Grounds
The wife of star falcon Carlos the Peregrine has filed for divorce in a Santa Clara County court on Thursday, citing alleged “extra-nest affairs” and “eagle envy” by her husband.
In papers filed with the County Animal Court, Clara the Peregrine said she decided to divorce after “exhausting every effort to salvage” her marriage in the wake of several “humiliating” photos of her husband in compromising positions at a Yankee game with a government-employed bat, recently hired to eradicate a problematic mosquito population in the county.
“My husband’s ego has expanded exponentially since our reality webcam has gained in popularity,” she said in a prepared statement. “ He thinks he is an eagle, resulting in very erratic behavior and the emotional abandonment of his wife and children.”
Other allegations include addiction to internet farm porn, loading his iPod with Madonna tunes and trying to sell pictures of the baby falcons to the highest bidding animal rag.
“I am nothing if not a good father,” he says in defense of the allegations. “Our problems stem from the fact that Clara has depression issues and, as a result, leaves most of the child rearing to a common pigeon.”
Superior Court Judge Paul Bernal will hear the case which, pending results from a court-ordered psychological examination of Carlos, will determine custody and visitation rights.
John McEnery IV has a great sense of humor. Remember when Susan Hammer was mayor of San Jose in the 1990’s? Mayor Hammer also had a great sense of humor.
From what I’ve seen on the cam, getting away from Clara is the smart move. Her nest-keeping routine has all the earmarks of obsessive-compulsive disorder, she has frequent panic attacks, squawks constantly, and bulimia appears to be a regular part of her feeding routine. I’m no expert, but that sounds like clinical depression. Fly, Carlos, fly—that chick is whacked.
OK, Rich, I give—maybe we are in a moral crisis.
That shot of Carlos with the cigar, and the blue feathers strewn about the nest made it look like the Oval Office in the ‘90s. Maybe Clara will run for the Senate in NY.
You passed up the chance to use “eggs-tra-marital”?
Clara’s disappointment with Carlos is that he is all eagle from the waist up, and all peacock so to speak, where it matters the most.