Ok, well, yes, dammit! I am single. I am SINGLE. It’s bad enough that I have to answer the question of “how is your love life?” 500 times at family functions. Or that I always give the same answer, “Non-existent, thank you.” I don’t tell you this so you can feel sorry for me, but I tell you this because I hope that I can bring you a little bit closer to the sheer hell that is being a single gal in the city, in our city.
OK, well, maybe the word “hell” is a bit strong. Maybe “purgatory” or “near the gates but you realize, it’s shut down for your ENTIRE life” is more appropriate? In San Jose’s defense, I do have single friends in New York, Chicago and Los Angeles and they all seem to have the same problems that I do. But I do not live in those so-called “cosmopolitan” cities, I live here; I choose to live here and I love living here. But San Jose, to me, is like that cute guy with no fashion sense or hair pomade that you KNOW could be perfect if he just got a clue on how to put it all together.
So I hope to bring you inside what it’s like being young and single (and yes, maybe just a little bitter) in the town we call San Jose. And who knows, maybe you might find your two million dollar, two bedroom fixer-upper in Cambrian, with your 2.5 kids running around your Home Depot lawn, doesn’t seem so bad anymore. Don’t cash it all in until you hear what it’s like being a young professional in San Jose.
So, let me hear it…MARRIED PEOPLE, ARE YOU WITH ME? SINGLE PEOPLE, ARE YOU WITH ME?
Though I am new to San Jose Inside, it doesn’t mean that you have to be nice. I am used to men being insensitive and even downright rude. But the worst thing is when they just don’t call (or blog) at all.
Until next time….I’m the Single Gal in the City.
Come on Single Gal, don’t tell me that San Jose isn’t a good place to be young, professional and single. Have you not visited Toon’s on a Saturday night? If you can’t find a quality single guy in there there must be something wrong with you.
In fact, the entire downtown is just loaded with great nightlife and the establishments are filled with high quality people. You should just head over to the San Jose Bar and Grill or the Vodoo Lounge. I’m sure there would be some nice guy that works at Jiffy Lube who would love to date you. As long as you don’t mind that he lives in a double wide with his mom, you should be on the road to happiness.
Years ago my mother Helen wrote of San Jose, after the capital left, “….San Jose developed a reputation for being a slow place….” That was the 1850s. Hope springs eternal.
Who needs a guy?
San Jose single –
Make sure tet me know how you remain so content without one!
SG in the City
I am with you!!! We should come up with ideas on how to make San Jose perfect . . . .
I’m glad to see a little estrogen pumpin’ through the site!
Maybe I am getting old but maybe there is a place to go out with your friends where you can actually talk to them without having to shout above the music? I am all for dance clubs when you want to dance and sports bars when you want to watch sports (by the way – the Brit is a good one) but what about a nice out of cocktails with friends?
Single Gal, you simply hang out in the suburbs too much: the outlying areas of San Jose. You should just go to downtown San Jose, and it’s filled with clubs packed with men. That’s why they call it Man Jose! There’s no excuse to be single in this town,
especially for girls. The real problem is that the people stay in their suburban home and do everything in the suburbs, not realizing that downtown’s the place to be! It’s not the bad old downtown days of the 70’s which alot people wish. It’s 2005, and downtown is a great spot to mingle. It’s a sense of community.
Gary – Just curious—What places do you like to go in Downtown San Jose?
Single Gal writes:
“I am used to men being insensitive and even downright rude.”
If rudeness and insensitivity in single men is common enough for Single Gal to have become accustomed to it, then (assuming that she possesses a degree of desirability) one of two things must be true about these men: they don’t care about winning her approval, or they think they can win it without treating her respectfully. If it is the former, then we have to wonder about Single Gal’s social circle; if it is the latter, we have to wonder what has changed to cause men to think that rudeness is acceptable?
It wasn’t too long ago that the economics of the matter was clear: an attractive young woman was a much-desired commodity, one that could only be obtained by a young man who could meet the price determined by the individual young woman—a price based on the rate set by whatever class of females she perceived as socially comparable. Thus, in order to get the best market price, both the hooker and the debutant were dependent, in large part, on the accuracy of their assessment of the competition. The hooker, valuing only money, was restricted to an exchange involving only dollars, while all other women were free to base their price on their individual value system, one strongly influenced by family, class, religion, custom, and society.
Though I’ll admit to being limited my own experiences and observations, I don’t remember rudeness and insensitivity being on any woman’s list of desired values, a fact that may have everything to do with my not recalling any of my buddies exhibiting those traits in dealing with the opposite sex. In fact, the way I remember it, a young man was expected to be at his gentlemanly best in mixed company—an expectation possessed by not only the young lady, but one always at threat to be reinforced by the male members of her family.
Biology being biology, the young men in this society have always been at the mercy of the expectations of the young women. Young men will become whatever it is that young women demand, just as they did sixty years ago, when young woman collectively staged a bidding war, garnering nothing less for their young hands than a responsible man who would provide a home and a family.
The reproductive self-interest, the one that drives men to meet female expectations, serves society and the individual best when female values reflect those of their culture and are not left to her immature whims or short-sighted social fads. If men are today unappreciative of a woman’s affections, or dishonorable of her intimacy, or treat her as if she’s disposable, or are talk to her like she was a dog, they do so in response to market forces; they do so because of the sorry state of young women’s values.
Someone’s been selling themselves short; and baby, it’s you.
Have you tried Frys on a Saturday night? Lots of single guys there!
(Wear Spock ears and you’re sure to start a conversation!)
Yo, Single Gal:
First, do not delude yourself that SanHozay is a city. Gary has it only half right—all of San Jose is suburbia. Why? Because except for the RDA and one of the founders of this blog, most people who live here want it that way. So, you might consider renaming your blog to “Single Girl in Suburbia”. I love SanHozay and have lived in “The City” up north, which is now very much a sewer in my view; but I would never call SanHozay a city. It’s a very small town, that happens to have a million or so people living in it.
If you think it’s tough being a single female here, try being a single male here…or indeed anywhere. Single women run the game. You don’t mention age, so that’s another issue. Try being a single professional male over forty. Over 50, and you’re toast. There are no places that cater to you.
Marleua for Mayor may tell the tale. He speaks of ” a quality single guy” and then tells you that you can meet oodles of them at either Toons, San Jose Bar & Grill, or The Voodoo Lounge. Just goes to show you that quality remains a noun. It’s the adjective that counts. There are probably lots of “quality single guys” there and in lots of other places, but it all depends upon how you define “quality”, doesn’t it?
I agree with Jospeh P—way too few women on this blog. Thus, it lacks balance. So, keep posting Single Gal. And perhaps weigh in on issues other than your current status. Check out the other bloggers and comment. We need input and balance.
Wow! Looks like a topic everyone can relate to.
I will talk more about it in future postings, but this baby isn’t selling herself short. Those were jokes. If anything, I am still single because I am NOT selling myself short.
You will be hearing a lot more from me on many issues, and not just my dating status. But I do think that something has been lost in the way of chivalry and gentlemanly behavior. I am sure I am not referring to those that posted, but many things have changed since our parents generation.
The issue really isn’t about the Single Gal struggling to find a mate but the real issue is about San Jose being cool place to be and live. Young, single, professional, people with money in their pockets, are attracted to cities that are cool, and the reality is that San Jose is about as cool as the Frustrated Finfan is interesting.
It’s embarrassing to bring friends of mine from other cities to Downtown San Jose on a Friday or Saturday night (unless there is a Sharks Game). Between the cruisers down Santa Clara Street to the obnoxious “clubbing crowd,” there is an element of people who frequent downtown that make me want to stay away.
Unfortunately for San Jose, with it’s Downtown being what it is, most people take their money and head out to Los Gatos, Santana Row or Palo Alto.
Not that there are not good bars and restaurants to visit. There are many good spots that could thrive if downtown was a more desirable place to visit. Instead, these businesses have become reliant on the 41 nights a year that the Sharks are at the tank.
It’s too bad, but it is what it is.
I guess I don’t understand this blog. Is this a complaint, or just a statement?
This (anywhere in Santa Clara county) is the ideal location for single women. There must be 100 single men for every single woman. Go to any bar, or other function, and it is 99% men. If there is a woman there she is with someone else.
Maybe things have changed with the dot com crash, but I doubt it. Personally, I quit going out a few years ago because there were just to many men and not enough women.
Oh well. That’s why beer was invented. Have fun.
Single gal it’s the same everywhere for all of us. It’s tough out there.
SW ‘nSJ must not get out much—Stratta has been closed for months.
We are missing a fashion scene in downtown…
Wow, this topic can really get a single gal in San Jose pumped up…I don’t even know where to begin. I’ll agree with all you men who say that the downtown clubs and bars are full of men, however, let’s examine the quality of the men that are there. Maybe it’s because you quality men have given up on the San Jose nightlife…come back!!
I will say that in living in downtown San Jose for about six years now, despite the lack of quality men, I still have a good time going out with the girls, but I will say that everytime we go out we’re definitely not expecting to meet any good guys.
I will plug for the great places in downtown San Jose, such as the Loft, PF Changs, Tied House ($.75 half pints, Thursday night), Mission Ale, the Brit, and many many more. So, all you great single guys out there, come back out to San Jose, and if you can look past the girl with her boobs hanging out, there’s a great single gal waiting to meet you.
>We are missing a fashion scene in downtown…
Because there is no fashionable place to go to in downtown. No one there is going to notice or care if that suit you are wearing is Armani or from Goodwill.
So are you saying that married people have “settled”?
John, you must have taken english lessons from Earnest, too. However, you don’t put ; before “but”, and “but” is not beginning of a sentence, likewise for “so”. Like I said, we’re all human!
Married Gal, I like Fahrenheight and Vault lounges. Also, I like Paragan restaurant at Montgomery Hotel. There are lots of good quality people there. San Jose is suburbia with a true blue downtown and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Yo, Smurf:
Of course you can precede “but” with a “;” if you have other phrases before it separated by commas. And of course you can start a sentence with “So”, just as you can statrt a sentence with “Therefore”.
Smurf: Me again. You mentioned Englishe lessons from “Earnest”. Did you mean “Evaristo”?
And the name is JohnMichael, not John. The world is full of Johns.
Easy English Professors, what is this blog about, your grammar or San Jose?
Yes, it is nice to have a female blogger here in The Inside… I can’t wait until it starts getting political!
Men…well, it’s not like San Jose is completely lacking the proper dining/club establishments (with the exception of the 24 hour diner). Let’s give our city a bit of credit and advertise a bit…
We just got a new “thirty-something” bar/restaurant with The Loft Bar and Bistro. It’s a mature escape from Bar & Grill and Tres Gringos. Pair that up with PF Changs, Gordon Biersch and perhaps Blue Monkey and martini specials at Stratta and there are some options.
Then, there are the happy hours at McCormicks (a hamburger for $2, perhaps the best deal in town) and The Grill.
You know the downtown workers aren’t sticking around when they are missing 99cent cosmos and a great happy hour menu at DEEP. Or come out of their apartments for Monday night football at the Brit, Mission, O’Flagherty’s and Peggy Sues.
If you are 20 and want to show some skin, there are options for you in SJ. We haven’t even touched SOFA….and the Male House… There are even places for intelllectuals & dining snobs.
The question is where are the people? I think SJSU students are starting to pull thier weight. If the SCU folks would look a little farther than “The Hut”…even better. (That’s if you are into the young men) Downtown workers need to stay in SJ to unwind after five.
Short of that, Ms. Single Gal, I think we should ask the council to appoint a new position to the Redevelopment Agency to recruit “the finest men and women” to live in the new downtown highrises.
Until then, have fun finding guys in line at Sonoma Chicken Coop.
#29: I LOVE Taco Bravo! Haven’t been to those other places, though.
A foolproof night for myself and my friends started at Rock Bottom in Campbell, then Beaver’s on Lincoln Ave. (closed), onto the Flying Pig on First (closed), paying homage to #11 at the Brit downtown (Marcel Goc now dons #11, methinks), and finally capping the night at Taco Bravo (thankfully still open – for now).
San Jose has the potential for an even more vibrant nightlife, yet this is something that is not exploited by city hall or business leaders.
Nice point made by SW ‘n SJ – SCU kids should spring for a cab ride downtown once a month for a Sharks game or just a night out; not like they are hurting for cash. I think they’ll find that it beats a night of getting thrown under a parked BMW by “Coach.”
Single Gal:
I dunno if there are quality single guys around here or not. I’ve been married for a year now, and I met my husband online. That’s the way to go. eHarmony.com and match.com are great places to meet guys, I hear. (That’s now how I met my husband, but I digress.)
I’ve lived in the area my whole life and have never been to a nightclub or bar. And I don’t regret that.
SW ‘inSJ:
Re no food @ The Deep-is that just no dinner or no lunch either?
Since I have been sooo wrong about Stratta, I will did hear tonight (while out in downtown) that DEEP is not serving food anymore….another good deal happy hour down the drain.
Single Gal, I think we need a list of the best happy hours in downtown San Jose
I am researching! Rumor started from no happy hour meals anymore…
#29. Did you notice how your “foolproof” night on the town began and ended not in SJ but in Campbell? (Rock Bottom and Taco Bravo.)
I suppose some would suggest that you could take light rail. But would Single Gal date a guy she met on VTA?
JohnMichael, it’s smurf again. Yep, I mean you’ve taken grammar lessons from Evaristo. By the way, there’s one more correction to make. You never want to begin a sentence with “and”, and you misspelled “english” and “start”. Now, I agree with GetRidofRonnyG that this not an English class but about San Jose!
Mal Content,
I always end my night and spend my money away from San Jose. Can’t stand the way the police treat everyone. I’ll only do happy hour / after work in San Jose.
Yo, smurf: Duly chastened.
Give us an idea of what you look like and what you do in you spare time, I have numerous single friends looking for someone just like you(maybe)! Try the supermarket, that always a good place to meet people, depending on your age the Safeway by Santa Clara Univ. is crawling with men!!!! Good Catholic boys I might add!!!
It’s no wonder the lady can’t get a date. All the guys are busy arguing points of grammar.
SJ in LA
re #40: When did I say I shop at Valley Fair? Malls are for teenagers, and people who want to pay too much for bad service.
YOUR ALL SILLY ,AND DONT START WITH THE ENGLISH CRAP , OR THE CAPS CRAP EITHER, THE GIRL IS CORRECT WHERE CAN SHE GO AND FIND A DECENT GUY ,OR A BUNCH OF SLOBBERING DOGS ,SHE WALKS INTO ANY, WELL ALMOST ANY ESTABLISHMENT DOWNTOWN ,AND ITS LIKE A BUNCH OF BLIND DOGS IN A SLAUTHER HOUSE ATMOSPHERE THIS CITY IS LACKING DECENCY,FROM CITY HALL ALL THE WAY DOWN TO THE DUMP,AND WE DONT NEED TO GO THERE , AND I BET CITY HALL CHICK COULD SHED SOME LIGHT ON THE VANISHING BRIEF CASE TRICK ?SHHHH DONT SAY A WORD NO MORE MOON CAKES FOR THE CIRCUS
To single girl:
You are kidding right? What are the ratios in “Manjose” now? 4 to 1? Besides who wants to go downtown? Here’s a recent post from the home blog:
‘I’m a loser and /or crummy because I do not go downtown or advise others to do so? It might have something to do with how whenever I step out of a club around 1:00ish, I feel like I’m suddenly in Nazi Germany or how the occupants of said clubs look like the graduating class of San Quentin. Nah I’ll stick to Sunnyvale and Campbell.’
Then there are the other honorable mentions, the guys who hit on your dates while not bothering with any of the few single women around. Did I mention the friendly police officers that are very happy to give you directions at 2:00AM? A new meaning to night clubbing.
Downtown San Jose is an intelligent man’s guide to dating hell.
Considering my foolproof nights now begin in Hollywood or the “other” South Bay (Manhattan Beach, Hermosa Beach, El Segundo, etc.), I consider it a pleasure to spend my money anywhere in San Jose, Campbell, Santa Clara, whatnot – how else am I supposed to keep spending money downtown if they keep closing my favorite places?
Mal – I appreciate your point, but have you ever bought anything at a little place called Valley Fair? You’re helping out Santa Clara’s economy as well (unless you only shop at the San Jose side). Talk about the pot…
Also, what if someone takes VTA to keep the miles off the Ferrari in the garage? It’s not like they’re taking the 22 bus line down the Alameda.
Hey single gal, am too a single guy; been in this city for 3 weeks now but still dunno anyone!
Heading to Toons tonight, inspired from people’s comments in your blog.
Lets see wht it has in store ><
No Luck :-( How abt us meeting up? Interested…