Lead Poisoning Caused Temporary Spinelessitis

Just days after Supervisor Don Gage vowed to shut down the county fair if it didn’t turn a profit, he was singing its praises after it lost $416,000, the most since 1998. A few hours later, he was admitted to a psychiatric hospital where he was diagnosed with a rare form of spinelessitis caused by lead poisoning he suffered from the made-in-China, Mattel Big Big World 6-in-1 Bongo Band toy that he keeps on his desk.

A spokesman for the hospitalized supervisor said that there was obviously something amiss when Gage refused his cookie and milk after naptime and then didn’t engage with the other inmates at recess.

“He just sat alone on a bench catatonic-like while the others played kickball,” said the staff nurse. “We thought he might have ingested some glue, as he has been known to do on occasion, but clearly it was something more serious.”

Staffers immediately stepped in after the supervisor held a “mission accomplished” press conference near the monkey bars, saying that he was pleased with the county fair’s efforts and attendance and that it should continue for several more years.

Supervisor Blanca Alvarado immediately blamed his enthusiasm and support of continuing the financial disaster on “fuzzy math.”

Gage will be put on paid leave after his release from the hospital as he has to serve a three month detention for his threat to support a Grand Prix at the fairgrounds to compliment the county fair.

“We obviously hope Don’s recovery is full and quick,” said Supervisor Alvarado, “but talking CHAMP car is just plain heresy. He needs serious medication.”