OK, so I did it, I finally did it, though maybe not for the right reasons. Nonetheless, I now have an internet profile for a dating website. Ugh! Over the weekend, I decided to both appease my mother and try something that people have been telling me to do for years.
In order to get started, I had to describe that I am nice, funny, have a good sense of humor and am looking for the same in a mate. The site had some cheesy questions like: “What color eyes do you like to gaze into?” and “What kind of hair do you like to run your fingers through?” After I reluctantly answered all those questions, I put up some pictures of myself and I was in business! I am now entering dating hell in cyberspace.
My first emails started rolling in. As they came in, I just kept thinking, “I am sure he’s a nice guy.” But is that enough? Have I gotten to that point yet where being nice is the only prerequisite to going out on a date? My mom thinks I am too superficial and that you can’t tell much about a guy from his picture or his words. I know she is right, but there has to be something that initially attracts you. That is how people do it in the real world anyway, don’t they? Then I got messages like: “You have a great smile. Let’s meet,” or “You’re cute!” or the best one yet, “Heaven must be missing an angel.” Is this really how I am going to meet Mr. Right? Every time an email comes in now, I have to say that I cringe.
My friend, who was an internet dating professional and spent four years on this site until she met her boyfriend in a bar in Los Angeles, scanned the site and said, “Wow, this thing really has gone downhill,” for reasons we can’t quite figure out. It was as if the site was taken over by all the men who socially couldn’t hack meeting women in the real world (not that it’s easy by any means). However, we still pored through hundreds of profiles, and of maybe 300 total, we found three or four guys that seemed to be interesting enough to write an email to. Those aren’t very good odds. Also, I still haven’t responded to the twenty or so emails I have received over a few days. I just can’t quite do it yet.
I am going to keep trying, for my mother and for me, but I think I miss the days when these same guys that are writing me would be too scared to come up to talk to me.
Good Luck! Yes it takes awhile to weed through the men but some are very nice and some are liars. So just be on guard!
I wrote down on a piece of paper what I was looking for in a mate. Put it on a drawer and forgot about it. A year later I met the man who met all my requirements online. What a surprise to me but it worked.
provide the link!
Single Gal:
The best thing you can do is use the site as simply a way of meeting people. My best friend is using a dating web site and he will at least meet anyone that e-mails him for coffee or dinner. If it clicks, thats fine. If it doesn’t, at least he gave it a shot. You cannot meet each person thinking they are “the one.” That is too much pressure. You simply meet and see what happens. Some relationships are one cup of coffee long and others have gone on for a few months. It almost sounds like you are stressing about it. Just roll with it and see what happens.
Single Gal,
It could be worse. Some people are unfortunate enough to be raised in a culture that forces you into an arranged marriage. Then you spend the rest of your life trapped in a loveless, lifeless marriage just to satisfy your parents and your culture.
Gal, how did you not puke when you read “heaven must be missing an angel”? I would not even bother responding to any brief one-sentence replies. Those men are not serious.
SG,
With all of your criticism of the men you meet (and dont’) and the men who write to you, I think you should consider the possibility that you are too critical of others and not self-critical enough. One of the great keys to happiness is knowing and accepting yourself for what you really are.
If this is your problem (and I can’t be certain from reading this little column) you will either solve it or lead a lonely life.
SG- The best way to meet a man is to STOP looking. Get on with your beautful young life, do things that you can only do when you’re young, keep an open heart, and you’ll trip over a nice, exciting, loving man.
I read in the paper that Pierluigi is looking for a gal… and now you’re looking for a guy…
Am I the only one here that sees the possibilities?
PLO+SG= who knows what might come of this!
Willow Glen Dad –
I know I may come off as being too picky or superficial, but I want it all and have very high standards for what I want in another person. Believe me, I know my downfalls but I am OK with them and comfortable with myself. I don’t think I need to sell myself short.
In a way, just showing my mom that I am outwardly trying to meet someone is making her happy. I guess its the least I can do for the woman.
SG- You have a right to want it all. Do what you think is right for you. Your Mom sounds like a wonderful woman, and I think she knows you’re trying.
Pier is a nice, loving, playful kind of guy! You might consider #8’s suggestion!![wink](https://www.sanjoseinside.com/images/smileys/wink.gif)
# You are a DOLT !
I know you don’t know what that means so look it up?
Alfred Doten
Thanks for your message. Of course you are right. I missed it the first time but it’s correct now.
#14 “The Editor”
AKA:
Jack, SJEdit, JVZ, Mr. Van Zandt, Jack Van Zandt, Composer, Downtown Resident, etc., etc. etc……………….
That’s a very interesting observation from someone who either can’t decide what to call himself or has a deliberate agenda to confuse fellow bloggers. What are you talking about?
# 6 You are the DOLT!
Sorry for the confusion, but being a dad in Willow glen he already knows he’s a DOLT.
When you meet a potential woman friend do you scope her out RIGHT away for clothes you could borrow, a handbag that will match the shoes you bought on sale?
NO ( I hope). So when you meet a new guy just pretend he is a pod mate at work. Guys sense you planning the engagement party within seconds of meeting. Stays on their mind longer than Windsong.
Go to events you like and look for opportunities to chat. It’s work. But better than your obit saying “A loving aunt to her many nieces and…”
If the guy is taken he may be with a bud who’s not. And at least there will be one event you like to do in common. And the political season will be hot and heavy – that’s a lot of events. Pick a candidate!
If you meet an on-line guy—bring mondo back-up for security. All you really know about him is he can type. Unless he had a friend type for him because he’s forbidden to access the internet directly by his probation officer…..
#11 or is it 12. How witty of you to make such a pithy comment. However given my obvious ignorance, you could have used “stupid” instead of “dolt” to get your erudite point across.
To: The Editor #14—care to let the rest of us in on the meaning of your response post to Alfred Doten? We didn’t see his post, so we’re all left wondering wassup.
Better still, if you have a personal missive, send it personally, rather than posting it and leaving us all breathless with questions about its meaning and/or significance.
The ‘Rhymes With Orange” strip in todays Murky News describes to a tee what your folder has become, SG.
It’s titled “The Cave Blog”. One caveman, drawing pictures on the cave wall, says to his comrade who is looking on: “…you start out with great intentions, great thoughts, then you run out of ideas and end up telling people what you had for dinner.”
Can the editor delete pointless comments—like name calling and references to other posts—NONE of which address the topic? This kind of filler== reader vs. reader badminton games are the best way to grind a site to an end—who wants to read that??
Wow John Michael, I thought we had a connection yet you come on here to tell me how boring my column is.
Read it again, more critically this time, SG; “You start out with great intentions…”
Your latest contribution is better suited to MySpace than to SJI.
Go back to your prior subject types—the ones with substance.
SG,
Enroll in a university of your choice, look for a stable prospect, go for it!!! This on line B.S. is just that; B.S.
Ther are no easy answers or solutions, just your gut instinct!
SG 23: Fair enough
John Michael –
You are entitled to your opinion, but I am not going to please you or anyone else on this site every week. Just wait and hopefully I can surprise you with something “of substance” next week.