Christmas is a time of cheer, smiling faces, carolers and strolling down tree-lighted lanes. I don’t know when it happened, or why, but Christmas has suddenly turned into a time of dashing around, stressing out, sitting in traffic, and pulling out your hair while you buy one gift after another. What happened?
It seems to get everything done for Christmas you need a second job to pay for all the gifts, and then you need all that time you gave up for the second job to actually do all the shopping. I used to devote my nights and weekends to shopping like a religion, rushing to find a parking spot, looking for sales and deals, all the while bypassing the gym and my social life, to shop, shop, shop! Christmas is a time for giving, but is this giving too much of yourself?
I never was the plan-ahead sort of gal. I wish I could buy online gifts in September or finish my last bit of Christmas shopping at Thanksgiving. I always hated those people who could do that. What makes them better than us that they don’t have to experience the sheer hell of Christmastime at the mall? Don’t they want to get pushed and shoved while wading through the sea of desperate people just looking for one more ornament, one more clock radio or one more shirt for their son-in-law?
Valley Fair has become this scary place that I avoid at all costs. Even driving by I get a shiver up and down my spine as I imagine women in Christmas sweaters with matching ornament earrings walking in and out of stuffy, overheated stores with four shopping bags on each arm cutting off the circulation in some parts. And then Santana Row, though it is beautifully lit up and decorated, has traffic cops with orange light sabers directing you on your wonderful Christmas stroll. “Don’t Walk There! Wait Here! Stop, Ma’am!” Even the employees in the stores look like they are one step away from knocking over a mannequin in a fit of rage. With all of this, I feel like the Christmas spirit we all love so much gets lost.
So give me a trip to Target, a stop at Barnes and Noble, and a stroll through Cost Plus any day. You may call me Scrooge, but to me, Christmas is about being with family. It’s about traditions like Christmas in the Park, ice skating with friends and thoughtful gestures to the ones we love.
So here’s to you and yours on this Christmas Day. May you avoid the mall, and be merry!
The Twelve Visits of Christmas
The first visit: The Police showed up and said the drummers drumming and the pipers piping were too loud and needed to play softer.
The second visit: The Fire Marshall said the 12 drummers drumming, 11 pipers piping, etc. exceeded the maximum occupancy for the building and that half of them would have to leave.
The third visit: Code Enforcement said that the pond for the swans a swimming was a non-conforming use and would have to be removed.
The fourth visit: The Environmental Protection Agency said the pear tree was a non-native species. I could keep the tree, but I had to destroy all fruit because if this tree established itself in the wild, it would do severe damage to the ecosystem.
The fifth visit: Animal Control said I could not keep cows, geese or swans inside City limits.
The sixth visit: The Humane Society said the partridge, turtle doves, calling birds and French hens were threatened species and I could not keep them in cages. I had to erect a replica of their natural habitat.
The seventh visit: The IRS confiscated the gold rings to cover the gift tax they said I owed.
The eighth visit: The Agriculture Department confiscated the goose eggs and milk because I did not live in an area zoned for farming.
The ninth visit: Immigration checked the status of the maids a milking.
The tenth visit: The Human Rights Commission said the lords a leaping constituted a hostile work environment for the ladies dancing.
The eleventh visit: The Labor Council said I had to hire 5 stage hands to support the entertainers and 4 laborers to tend to and clean up after the animals.
The twelfth visit: My true love came a calling. When I told her all that had happened, she was very upset and started to cry. She just wanted me to have a memorable Christmas and had no idea it would cause so much trouble. Nothing I said could console her. She started drinking copious amounts of Egg Nog and finally passed out.
I hope your Christmas was less eventful than mine.
Happy New Year
Don Connors
The traffic was bad enough before they added Santana Row now it’s over the top. You can’t get in or out of that place it’s crazy. Start buying now for next year Miss single gal.
Don Connors, you are a scream! What creativity! Thanks so much for the laugh!
That’s one thing I love about the holidays is taking time to get together with friends & family and laugh. True belly laughs that erode the stresses of every day life and release those pent up endorphins (and if that doesn’t work, I go for the chocolate).
I also love walking (not driving!) around looking at the beautiful lights (and Mr. McEnery, I must say YOUR house is very festive this time of year), the cold nip in the air and how good it feels to go from outside to inside. People watching at Christmas In the Park. The holiday music. Children’s squeals of delight.
The best thing of all is seeing how creative I can be with gifts; instead of going to stores…how can I give of myself? That’s one of the nicest things I can get from others, is their gift of time. And it’s a gift I try to give back to them. Little things like not multi-tasking* while I’m talking to someone on the phone, or taking the time to walk somewhere instead of drive and then saying “hi” to folks I pass. Taking a friend out for a bite and listening to what’s going on in their life. Putting my “crack-berry” down and turning off my cell phone so that I can really be present with someone.
All these things add up. Thanks Single Gal, for helping me reflect on what Christmas-time means to me. And thanks again Don, for the laugh.
Happy New Year everyone, and may it be a good one for you.
*The definition of multi-tasking: Screwing up several things at once.
Christmas seems to have gotten so far away from the original point of the occasion, no?
I know what you mean about Valley Fair and Santana Row. I’ve moved towards doing a lot of my shopping online to save myself the headache. Even Target was a madhouse!