San Jose Rededicates Itself to Safest Big City Title

Gangs Sent to New York to “Solve” Problem

The San Jose City Council has decided to rededicate itself to bringing home the title of “Safest Big City in America” by allocating several million dollars to send dozens of convicted gang members to New York City by bus to commit crimes.

The radical move to wrest the “Safest” title from the Big Apple comes after several years of languishing as the proverbial bride’s maid—a second fiddle, silver medalist, runner-up, jock strap carrier, that has hurt downtown’s multibillion dollar tourist industry.

“We need that top spot in order to attract the tourism and commerce we have become accustomed to,” explains Dan Fenton of the Convention and Visitors Bureau, Team San Jose and 1st Act Silicon Valley.  “‘Once Home to Lou’s Living Donut Museum’ doesn’t have the same marketing cache.”

As the two dozen buses were reported to be making fast and uneventful travel across the Midwest, several city officials were putting plans in place to implement once the title was secure.  “It will only be a matter of days until the crown is ours,” said Scott Knies of the Downtown Association.  “And with it will come the spoils of BART, downtown retail, an expanded convention center and a Hooters franchise.”

Plans were also being made on the receiving end.  When reached for comment, New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg was dismayed at what he called “desperate and unconscionable behavior by our friends on the West Coast,” but said he was “confident that habitual ethics lapses in high government ranks would continue to keep San Jose in second place.  If not, we are prepared to send out David Richard Berkowitz.”

13 Comments

  1. John:  If we’re sending all those gangstas to NY/NY, dowtntown San Ohaze will be empty Firday and Saturday nights unless the Sharks are in town.  Then the dowtown businesses need more RDA subsidies to survive.

  2. REED OPPOSES BUSSED CRIMINALS

    Claims millions of dollars in overcharges on bus fares.

    Chuck Reed lashed out at government spending again today, this time attacking the City Council’s plan to bus criminals to New York City.

    “It’s only a few dozen people, and it’s costing us 7 million dollars.  That’s over $10,000 each.  You could charter a private jet for that.”

    Vice Mayor Cindy Chavez immediately voiced support for the Reed proposal, and made a motion to negotiate a no-bid contract with Preminger Airlines.  The motion passed 9-3.

  3. San Jose is on the makes the list again behind New Orleans and Detroit we are in third place in job creation.We know understand the situations that have lead to their positions as number 1 and 2 any comments on why San Jose is number 3. Have Cindy or Chuck addressed their positions or provided insights on how if elected Mayor they intend to deal with this issue? See markets in trouble@
    http://www.bizjournals.com/edit_special/44.html

  4. We are in third to last place nationally.  Your post sounded (at first) like we were the 3rd best job creator as a city.  we are 3rd worst.

    This a is good point about our elected officials and the current mayors races.  What are the issues?  What are they going to do about them?

    They are both great at sending meaningless attackes at each other.  How about one of them list there ideas for our city?

  5. This brings up a very good point, isn’t the title ridiculous?  How do they even figure it out?  It has to be about how the citizens, residents feel about their own city.  And I guess the visitors.  But does anyone seriously think that New York is safer than San Jose?!  What a joke.

    But I’m afraid to ask if we actually spend any money coveting this meaningless designation…

  6. My suspicion is that the bulk of Florida’s job growth is in fields where low-wage earners pamper and wipe-up…

    after tourists and the incontinent.

    So I say, let’s not get ourselves caught-up in peon envy.

  7. We could probably save a lot of money on the bussing if it was decided which was the safest city in the county or in Silicone Valley and send the bad guys there.  Kind of trade off you know?  We would receive their good guys and then get the safest city in Silicone Valley title.  Can you imagine the uproar if the bad boys were sent to downtown Los Altos Hills?l

  8. Thanks for censoring my last post… and not posting the truth.  I see how this thing works, no one wants to hear the real truth about San Jose and the real problems that it has.  And now it has bled over to the blog world with censoring, so much for the bill of rights.  Here we go again, another 4 years of people that are just like Ronnie, dumb,deaf and blind.  Nothing but a bunch of kiss’ass’s Sheeesh!

  9. My last post, referring to ass kissers, I speaking of all of you and the moderators that censor this blog.  It’s pretty obvious that people in this blog are trying to jockey for some position to look good to the new crook that is going into the mayors job.  Wow!  San Jose and the transplants that had moved here during the DOT.com era are very interesting bunch and will sell their mother to look good.  I sure hope that the new crook at City Hall stops handing out taxpayer money to imaginary groups like Team San Jose and the Art’s groups.  Once and for all San Jose is “not” the Capital of Silicon Valley, The City of Santa Clara and Sunnyvale are the Capitals of Silicon Valley…. Just to set things straight.  By the way who the hell is Dan Fenton and what does he know about safety???  What a dork!

  10. I met Dan Fenton once,  He was selling used cars on W. San Carlos St.  Sort’a reminds me of a imitation Ron Gonzales.  Sleazy and greazy criminal type.  He’ll Promise you one thing and then give you nothing in return.  What is is Team San Jose you ask?  They are a brainfart of Ron Gonzales, they are there to cook the accounting books during his administration and to funnel money to this Non – Profit because Fenton and Gonzales are friends and linked by scandal.

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