“We CAN Carry San Francisco’s Jock!” Thousands Chant
In response to the debate regarding San Jose’s “greatness,” started by sanjoseinside.com bloggers and picked up by the San Jose Mercury News tens of thousands of people gathered at Taco Bell on Bascom Ave. to dispel the rumors of the city’s inadequacies.
“WE ARE GREAT! LET’S SET THEM STRAIGHT!” was the rallying cry repeated for hours on end.
“Them,” most participants agreed, are San Franciscans and their de facto leader and former State Senator, John Burton, who, in a moment of pre-pubescent locker room vitriol, infamously spewed forth the insult, “San Jose couldn’t carry San Francisco’s jock!”
Self-proclaimed rally leader, Mary Helmers, said she thought she was organizing a small get-together among a few friends during her weekly fast food excursion as a way to show support for her hometown. “We have a group of girls that get together every week over a Santa-Fe Chicken Chalupa…Little did we know that we would tap into such a seething current of ‘little-city burden.’”
Psychologists recommend that “little-city burden,” or as it is known in French medical circles, “L’Impotence,” be treated seriously and diligently. “Except for having major world-renown monuments, gorgeous geography, several sports teams, or free public toilets, a city can’t do much to embolden its self-esteem except focus on the little things,” suggests Pepe Broulles a leading French psychologist. “It might be smart for San Jose’s Convention & Visitors Bureau to send out lots of postcards with smiling people on them.”
“Whatever. We’re over it now,” claimed a participant. “Believe me, Union Square couldn’t carry Santana Row’s jock.”
Upon hearing of the rally, Apple Computer immediately capitalized on the situation by releasing the newest Randy Newman song on its popular iTunes software, “Sprawling Suburban Cities with an Identity Crisis Have No Reason To Live,” for 99 cents.
We need to get over San Francisco. We have our own potential identity; key word potential since in certain measurable terms we are not meeting our potential.
Our leadership seems to fight over details trying to make everthing please the lowest common denominator. This leads to boring safe public art, big subsidies to national businesses and developers, and a very close-minded policies on policing and parking in areas such as downtown.
Very important point is this: you can’t please everybody! If you try to you will fail.
The great thing about the bay area is each sub region is more unique than the others.
Let’s capitolize on our potential by allowing some forward thinking visionary types to actually take a stab at creating something significant. Whether its a big or small business; please let the business (market) decide if belongs!
Council and mayor need to step aside and stop micromanaging our city’s development. They really need to stop trying to please every fringe group out there. (ex put the PAC people on a train out of town!!! well at least their lawyers)
Downtown business owner
We just need new blood and ideas at City Hall. Can’t wait for new mayor and council.
New transit plan to offered: upgrading and expanding light rail. Along with major bus improvements.
Clean house VTA. Clean House!!!
Great bit of satire that only underscores that San Jose is a great suburb, but not really a city.
Oakland murder capitol of the country.
BART to Downtown San Jose will make it like Oakland: crime, drugs, more winos and homeless.
This just in…Burger King, KFC and Peggy Sue’s will all hold a rally in support of the cause. Jocks will be given out with every purchase! John another great article, didn’t know you spoke French?
It is funny to hear some current San Jose leaders refer to San Francisco as “The City.” With a generational change, that usage will die out along with jock strap envy by San Francisco politicians.
A larger problem is that the current mayor’s policies are converting San Jose into a financial sink hole. His leadership of the city into vast new fields of indebtedness (never adequately covered by the Mercury News) will create an implosion of our urban capacities when interest rates rise by two or more points.
Most residents are not really aware of his use of “commercial paper” to finance the airport or his use of “lease/lease back” bonding schemes to build the new city hall. When the debt of RDA is added to the debt for the airport and the new city hall, the total is truly astounding.
For example, the cost to re-pay the borrowed money to build the new city hall is well over a billion dollars by now.
Pity the next mayor if he or she has grand building schemes. The next mayor will be busy finding ways to pay for the current mayor’s many unfinished projects and vast debts.
When our city government accepts the responsibility we retirees have to face each day & stop spending money they don’t have, we can begin to look ahead with confidence & become the city we will all be proud to call home & excited to pass down to future generations. NOW?
Most of our children have moved to more affordable areas.
Sadly I will admit, as we all love San Jose and our beautiful valley, but not the trash we see on our freeways or the incompetance of city govt.
I believe both of these negatives could be corrected if the garbage collectors were held accountable for re-distributing our trash into litter & the San Jose citizens would hold our employees……..yes, City Govt does work for us!
accountable for spending our money in abandonment. Money we haven’t even earned yet!
I’m live in SF and I’m still very interested what goes on this challenged little city to the South. I’m thinking I’m going to surprise my wife and kids with a long weekend down there. You know, visit Great America, maybe check out the Winchester Mystery House. Any other ideas?
Where’s a good place for a family meal (kids are 3 to 5)?
How about a hotel for under $159 per nite?
Where’s a good shopping district?
Any good shows there?
Help!
So what can be done to restrain our visionary, monument-hungry types in city hall?
Can we pass a measure that links city spending to population growth?
John….Thanks for making me laugh today!!!!
Let me know if you ever need me to organize a pep rally for you, so we can make sure our “little-city burden” does not turn into a “BIG city burden” like San Francisco.
Have a great day!!!!
Funny – SJ is spending money but has nothing new to show for it. City Hall isthe only project that I can think of.
The need for visionaries is so right. This current administration – led by Gonzales – is so bogged down on the details that they can’t see the forest for the trees.
>> Where’s a good place for a family meal (kids are 3 to 5)?
McDonalds at Steven’s Creek and Lawrence.
>> How about a hotel for under $159 per nite?
Motel 6 on El Camino.
>> Where’s a good shopping district?
Pick any strip mall on El Camino
>> Any good shows there?
Spongebob is on at the Century 21
Michael, saw your posting.
A great Place to stay in San Jose is The DeAnza Hotel, Downtown San Jose, Pick up a Great meal @ Peggysues in Historic San Pedro Square. Close to all Freeways
Have Great Day
Mr Frank Furter,
San Jose has A Great many ah, places to go, do and see, unlike the the Generic View of M6 and Micky D’s
take a look at:
http://www.sjdowntown.com
Hey Frank,
All those places that you mentioned are in Santa Clara. No wonder no one can find the way to San Jose.
San jose does more than carrying SF. jock; it beats the city to the punch. The downtown is great! I mean San Jose, not San Francisco. Get a grip, san jose downtowner! The downtown also has the new library, California theater, and river park. Now, San -jose is no longer envying San Francisco. By the way, Santana Row kicks San Francisco butt! San Francisco doesn’t carry San Jose jock! That little Squirk to the north. SF. is a pint sized city that is boring.
Gary – you are right about the library – it is great – but not exactly a “destination.” The CA theater and River Park were projects that were started 20 years ago – 20 YEARS AGO – and are just being completed now. I don’t think that is a shining example of great government. That was the point that I was trying to make.
The Downtown is good but could be great and so far that has just been on the back of the merchants that have put their blood,sweat and tears into it. The city needs to help out much more than they have. Only with that help and support will our downtown truly be “great” the way I know that it can be.
It takes a Frenchy to know that the World Famous Taco Bell is reknown for the off menu item known as a Cheesy Gordita Crunch.
Vive le France!!
We are great but don’t count on setting SF ‘straight’.
We have the lead on “over 40’s” with pierced belly buttons..hernia or not…can’t we just be proud of that?
Great article! San Francisco has more drunks and winos per square foot than any city in the country. why are they all there? who knows it’s freezing up there and you always have to walk up hill or downhill. You can’t find a level spot to throw a sleeping bad or some newspapers.
Hey Mary,
How come you never invited us to your fast food get together?
Where is the gay district in San Jose?
I’ll be visiting for a long weekend over Easter.
I plan to have my own special resurrection ceremony.
Any recos on Spas or Movie Festivals?
Dude – try googling for ‘bug chasing parties’ and get ill.
Hey Mikey!
Give me a call and I will give you the inside scoop. You know the number.
As a San Francisco resident, I recently, on a dare, ventured down to SJ to view the nightlife first hand. Gone are the halcion days of DB Coopers and Paradise Beach… It was if I had dropped into a worm hole and ended up in Scranton Pennsylvania. Overly musked boys wearing muscle shirts that barely concealed their expansive guts. Baseball caps with bills furled as tight as tacos. Conversation topics ranging from mini-trucks accessories to Paris Hilton. The experience left me a bit naseous and longing for a night in my city, THE CITY, San Francisco.
Craven- certainly San Francisco has a vibrant night life. But then, so does New York City, much better than San Francisco. San Jose has a much better day time life. If you’d like to see baseball with your kids in an affordable, easy to reach, enjoyable venue, take in a San Jose Giants game. I do that often, sometimes even after work. The accessibility and ease of travel compared to San Francisco is amazing. Stress levels go down dramatically. Or catch a play at the Rep, or Opera at the beautifully refurbished California Theatre. Less bums to step over than reaching your theatres. Or what about a daytime playing with the kids in Kelly Park, or exposing them to a piano concerto at La Petitel Trianon? What about researching something with them in the beautiful Martin Luther King/San Jose State lilbrary? How about a nice jog up the hills in Quicksilver Park in Almaden? What about taking a look at our Viper Club’s cars the first Tuesday night of the month at Maggiano’s in Santana Row? What about going to a dozen or so restaruants where you can actually talk to the owners (and here Steve Borkenhagen springs to mind) enjoy great food, and still make your mortgage payment after dinner?
What about a City Council meeting where you can stand up and opine that you ARE a Nimby, and have someone really listen to you, even if you aren’t in a Rainbow Alliance?
How about being in a Town where you can serve on the Boards of so many wonderful charitys (and here YMCA, UNITED WAY, GOODWILL, INN VISION all spring to mind) and actually SEE the good you are doing?
How about joing a Rotary, such as our Downtown Rotary, where business people build lifetime friendships.
And what about going home to the suburbs in a ten minute ride, and having space to throw a ball, run with the dog, and so on, without having to go to Golden Gate Park, when your back yard will do?
San Francisco is wonderful. We visit it often.
But San Jose is, for some of us, even better.
We can live anywhere in the world, including San Francisco. We choose to live here.
You just might be missing the whole picture.
Regards,
Larry