Fire Stations, Jiffy Lubes to Become Drop Off Sites For Unwanted Shills
As a result of Chuck Reed’s overwhelming mandate in the mayoral election, and the uncertainty of how strictly ethical rules will be enforced, several prominent, overpaid lobbyists have been turning up abandoned in various dumpsters, back alleys and gated country clubs in the valley.
These paid shills are usually found wrapped in blankets, bloodied from ruptured egos and shattered hubris, barely clinging to life and the tattered remnants of their former expense accounts.
In direct response to this disturbing but welcome trend, Mayor-elect Chuck Reed has proposed an emergency ordinance that would curb the inhumane treatment by setting up “safe havens” at fire stations, hospitals, and Jiffy Lubes that would allow a lawful employer to surrender a paid hack anonymously.
“I think this is the best solution to this unsavory business, explained Reed. “The anonymity of the surrender should placate any fears of arrest, prosecution or political exile.”
But Coyote Valley developers, downtown nightclub operators, and card room owners that have nurtured this culture of sycophancy, are skeptical. “I’ve spent nine months carrying one of these lobbyists on my payroll,” said one land speculator. “My body is ravaged from all the lunch meetings and I’m psychologically attached to the foursomes at Cordevalle…”
Authorities say separation anxiety is a common obstacle to the surrender. So, to combat the fear, Jiffy Lube has offered to train and hire the former influence peddlers and apply their “greasing” skills to automobiles instead of politicians. “Because, after all, lobbyists are people too,” said Simon Lube, Jiffy’s son.
This doesn’t bode well for some of those leaving office or having lost a bid for council seat after years of public service in Sacramento.
John, do you think the City could find it within their heart to take them in… find meaningful work for them?
There’s a new rest room facility over near Columbus Park just off Taylor near the river. It must have cost a quarter million or so and is locked and unusable much of the time. Someone to open it, keep it clean and close it would go a long way toward ‘building strong neighborhoods’. Would not a job like this be better than thoughtlessly toss aside those who have served the City so well? You might say it’s a way to let them continue their good work and fulfill their dream for a more livable neighborhood… and continue some measure of health care insurance as well.
This trend is out of control. I had to take an unplayable lie at Cordevalle on Saturday when my ball came to rest under Jerry Stangis on the fifth hole. It cost me 6 skins…
We can help these hired guns reenter the work force with several years at a vocational school, a little love and a few hugs. Come on people, show the love.
To keep up-to-date on the latest output of the politician/consultant, be sure to read page 17 of this week’s (12/6 to 12/12) Metro magazine.
It is the first smear in the campaign to succeed Chuck Reed in District Four. It’s pretty light weight, but it sets the tone for the next three months of the primary campaign.
What is particularly humorous about it is that the leading candidate is characterized as an “upstart” when he has been active here in North San Jose for about a quarter-century, while the endorsed candidate moved here only this summer.
It’ll be a hot winter in North San Jose.
As a result of the new law, Jiffy Lube’s stock has dropped $3.20 per share. Mrs. Lube said that her husband was on vacation and couldn’t be reached for comment.
John,
Lobbyists as Jiffy Lube employees, now there is a slick idea. They may be greasy enough for my wheel bearings and U joints but they are way too dirty to handle my motor oil. Working there might give them a chace to redeem themselves for all the friction they have created between city hall and citizens.
Seems like this fits the thread:
A US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
“Welcome to heaven,” says St. Peter. “Before you settle
in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, so we’re not sure what to do with you.”
“No problem, just let me in,” says the Senator.
“Well, I have orders from higher up to have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.”
“Really, I’ve made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,” says
the senator.
“I’m sorry, but we have our rules.”
And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down,
to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of
a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse. Standing in front of
it are all his friends and other politicians with whom he had worked.
Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him,
shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich
at the expense of the people.
They play a friendly game of golf; and then dine on lobster, caviar and
champagne.
Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a
good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time
that before he realizes it, it is time to go.
Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator
rises…
The elevator goes up, and the door reopens on heaven where St.
Peter is waiting for him.
“Now it’s time to visit heaven.”
So, 24 hours pass with the Senator joining a group of contented souls
moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a
good time. Before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter
returns.
“Well, then, you’ve spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now
choose your eternity.”
The Senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: “Well, I would
never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I
would be better off in hell.”
So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes back down
to hell.
Now the doors of the elevator open and he’s in the middle of a barren
land covered with waste and garbage.
He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and
putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.
The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder.
“I don’t understand,” stammers the Senator. “Yesterday I was here
and there was a golf course and clubhouse. We ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne,
danced and had a great time. What happened?”
The devil looks at him, smiles and says,
“Yesterday we were campaigning…… Today you voted.”
Now I’m as optomistic as the next guy about the change in policy and outlook here—but surely an old horse like John McE has been through this cycle several times before.
Once or twice a decade, it’s always ‘throw the bums out’—right?
It is usually the younger guys (like me) who are the most excited to see the OBN (Ole Boys Network) shake up. Glad to see this is a joy we share across generations.
#4. Dale: Is there a poll that makes Chu the “leading candidate”? If so please share.
While the Metro article obviously had a point of view the larger issue of Chu’s potential conflict of intrest on airport issues seems to be a valid issue for voter discussion. The same could be said of Hon Lein’s recent move into District 4.
These are fair questions voters should put to both candidates.
#4
Yes it’s quite ridiculous Dale. As a District 4 resident, I’m gonna do all I can to make sure this Berryessa-wannabe Chuck Reed stooge from Milpitas Hon Lien does not win the seat.
#4 Dale
Where are the candidates on important issues or will be only see political say nothing talk and campaign flyers?