Spitzer’s Significant Contribution to Whoring Recognized
Just one day after his resignation, the United Pimp Union has told all of its members all across the United States and certain areas of Canada to honor soon-to-be-former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer by retiring the number 9, thereby bestowing on him the designation as the first John in world history to have his client number retired.
“I don’t want it,” said Governor Spitzer, “and I’m not taking any questions at this time.”
James Tedisco, a Republican state legislative leader in New York who called for Spitzer’s resignation, now not only embraces his former enemy, but respects him enough to ask the city to honor him.
“The Governor has earned this honor, and we as a nation should be proud of it,” he said. “In fact, I have introduced legislation that would allow us to proudly hang his retired boxers from the rafters of the State House.”
The action is not as insignificant and ceremonial as most may realize. Several pimps have complained to better business bureaus and chambers of commerce that the retiring of client numbers causes unfair financial burdens. “Computer records need to be changed, clients get mixed up and it takes more man-hours to keep track of the shit,” said Bling-Bling Killah, a local prostitute manager.
By all accounts, with an intelligent, wealthy and powerful politician suddenly and inexplicably tied up in the seedy underbelly of sexual transgressions, whoring and anorexia, you might think you arrived in San Jose City Hall Plaza.
In related news, teen girls have fought back after findings showed that 25% of them have contracted at least one STD, by conducting their own poll which shows that 100% of all politicians who sleep with prostitutes resign.
Spitzer really blew it, no, wait, that was what Senator Larry Craig did.
No, #1, that’s what Monica Lewinsky did.
Eliot Spitzer displayed poor judgment, similar to Dick Rowe, the A&R man at Decca Records. In 1962 Dick Rowe decided NOT to offer the Beatles a recording contract.
The Beatles went on to sign with the Parlophone label at EMI. The Beatles recorded the “white album” in 1968. One song on that album is “Revolution Number 9”. The lyrics repeat over and over, “number 9, number 9, number 9, ……”.
Number 9. Number 9. Number 9. Number 9. Number 9. Number 9. Number 9. Number 9.
Ha Ha. I beat George Berlin to the punchline.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Revolution_9
Curses!!! Foiled again. Is George Berlin really Antonio Salieri??
There once was a governor who lusted
For girls who left his mother disgusted
So he married just fine
Then became Client Nine
And had it all ‘till he finally got busted
4 – True, but if you play it backwards it says, “turn me on, deadman.” Ooh. Could it have been talking about Spitzer’s political career???
#7
“turn me on, deadman.” is what a $4300/hour prostitute will whisper in your ear if you are a politician.
That wasn’t a very good poll. David Vitter hasn’t resigned. Or Larry Craig for that matter.
If you believe the story that Spitzer got caught because the Feds were tracing large money transfers, it’s funny because he would have been better off hiring $500 hookers.
But Spitzer should have smart enough to know that the big Wall St. firms must have small armies of private investigators digging for dirt on him.
#9
If what I read is true then it is a very scary time we live in. I read that the Feds were looking for “terrorists”, and using their warrantless powers to look into money transfers.
If that is true I am more scared of our government than of any terrorist.
I have to admit though, I wish I could afford $4300/hr hookers. Although I wouldn’t spend my money on them. I can get a nice Thiel speaker for $5000, so five hours of hooker time can buy me 5 speakers that I can enjoy for hours every day.
Same old story: look at this politician paying for consensual adult services! Look look look!
Nevermind what’s going on in Iraq; booooooring.