Bones Found Under Ice Thought To Be Quetzalcoatl’s
Just as the NHL and hockey fans celebrated the end of the labor dispute, committed and passionate Shark fans received a blow as severe as a Scott Parker left cross to the chin; the Sharks would not skate in 2006. HP Pavilion workers immediately stopped work on the ice after making a curious discovery - bones frozen under Nabakov’s crease.
Paleontologists quickly descended upon the Shark tank to assess the discovery. Everyone’s worst fears were realized, as preliminary tests seemed to suggest that these weren’t the tusk remains of a Mammuthus Columbi, like those found along the Guadalupe River on Wednesday, but the vertebrae of the infamous, and once believed fictional, serpent-god Quetzalcoatl.
According to the Quetzacohotians, a splinter group of a group that splintered from an obscure tribe, descended from the illegitimate child of Emperor Moctezuma II of the 16th century Mesoamerican empire, Quetzalcoatl is not only real, it is a deity that demands respect and reverence.
Chief Itzcoatl explains it this way, “As a tribe, albeit small with only two surviving members, we have been blessed with the awesome responsibility of tending to the spiritual personification as well as any physical manifestation of the son of the virgin goddess Coatlicue. If these remains are not handled properly, which may mean the humbling cancellation of a hockey season, the ‘feathered snake’ may demand a human sacrifice – and there are plenty in San Jose deserving of such an honor.”
“Whatever,” said Jonathon Cheechoo “We just wanna skate, eh.”
In related news, the Quetxacohotians announced they had brokered a deal through lobbyist Ed McGovern that enabled them to establish nationhood at Bay 101. This would allow them to build a 4,000-room resort hotel and casino.
IS THIS A JOKE YANK THE BONES OUT RUN THE ZAMBONIE OVER IT & DROP THE PUCK LETS PLAY HOCKEY ALREADY
It could be worse! Bones under the new City Hall building could require San Jose’s newest landmark to be torned down. Since the bones would create a historic site, Mayor Gonzo would want to be consistent and tear down a little more of our history.
I say let’s line up the nominees for human sacrifice between periods at a Sharks game – then through applause the crowd can decide who gets to be dumped in the boiling pot of water first!
Assuming there are still some Shark fans left, I agree with Mike…let’s fill the Shark tank.
Glad to know there is at least one vertabrae in the city.
Nice, Adam!!
All this talk of bones reminds me of a song. Want to hear it? Goes like this.
The developer bone’s connected to the – lobby bone
The lobby bone’s connected to the – council bone
The council bone’s connected to the – skeleton in the closet bone
We all (want to) know about dem bones
I like it being the only vertabrae in the city. The coucil certainly don’t have any backbone. Love this story though, there might be a movie in it. I always thought the Fairmount Hotel would be the first casino in town considering the bones of the Olones that were found there.
Hockey! Who cares? Just another over-priced reason for San Jose fan to drown himself in booze, watch REAL athletes compete-(because SJF never could do it himself) and drive their 1988 Camero’s down the main strip, blasting the BeeGees at ear-splitting levels.
Leave the Tank closed. Give San Jose Fan a chance to bathe in his Costco purchased, Aqua-velva vat.
You know, better yet- bury the whole place and send SJF back to the Mall from whence he came!
Long live the Snake!
So THAT’s what Nabakov was staring at last year as pucks where flying past his head. The bones probably looked really cool with that flashing red light on them all the time.
Clone it and put the Wooly Mammoth in goal.
Grimos – What team were you watching? I know its been a while so its easy to forget that stellar season. I think you were thinking of Steve Shields anyway…
It’s obvious the bones belong to Jimmy Hoffa. Even the venue fits. I mean the guy wasn’t from warm sunny S. Florida, was he? Jimmy was a sports fan so “Let the Games Begin.”