Iraqi Insurgents Declare Cease-fire in Honor of Cunneen Departure

Business Leader’s Job Move Called Bold, Surprising by Al-Jazeera

In what is being called a first in the lingering war in Iraq, aggressive insurgents temporarily laid down their guns and rocks, and vowed to stop all torture and executions in observation of the departure of San Jose Silicon Valley Chamber of Commerce chief Jim Cunneen.

As news spread over the Arabic language al-Jazeera network, an estimated 40 million viewers displayed uncharacteristic emotion as reactions ranged from “surprising,” and “bold,” but more often than not, “who is Jim Cunneen?”

Chamber Chairman Bill Baron praised Mr. Cunneen’s tenure as “inspiring” and went on to admit that, “I’m a little shocked by Jim’s global appeal, but when you consider his major accomplishments - increased membership, a better public profile for the Chamber, and our 7% compounded savings on the monthly PG & E bills - you can begin to understand the envy that worn-torn nation must feel towards his successes.”

“I really don’t know what to say,” responded an uncharacteristically tongue-tied Jim Cunneen when told of the developments in the Middle East.  “To think I could have a hand in bringing peace to the people of Iraq, even if only for the day…I am truly humbled… Did I mention we are the safest big-city chamber of commerce in America?”

In other news, San Jose’s own lobbyist group, Silicon Valley Advisors, promised a “mega-Jihad the world has never seen,” if the newly adopted ethics laws were actually enforced.

10 Comments

  1. You are continually amusing and I am starting to compare you to my own personal hero, Jon Stewart.

    Do you suppose his Meso’potamia folks should be notified of Jim Cunneen’s departure?

    Starlight

  2. I think I’m funnier and much cuter than John.
    What’s your private e-mail account?  Check me out on
    http://www.myspace.com — there’s a few photos in my album with my shirt off.

    John – this is good stuff.  When it comes to me though, I need your advice.  I live in the marina district in SF and I want to proclaim Fatwa on some stuff, people, ideas or institutions. But, I don’t know who to be mad at.  Can you help me?

  3. dad, i dont really get your writing but im sure it’s good. Thanks for helping me with my site, it’s so much fun! Have fun at work (well if you can’t hav fun hurry home so we can have fun here) Love ya!!!

  4. I was wondering who Jim Cunneen was, & I’ve been told that he is a nice guy…I hope this means he is departing into something bigger & better!

  5. For anyone that doesn’t know, Pola is a small island in the Persian Gulf.  The Polans have never been acknowledged and accepted in the region (still not found in any atlas) due to their tendancy to develop melanoma of the foot.  With Pola in such need of a new PR guy… Mr. Cunneen could be a perfect solution.

  6. Cunneen will be a loss but the chamber has not endorsed a winning candidate since ? What does that say about the business community here? You can complain about the govt and labor but business needs to step it up for their own interests.

  7. SJ Downtowner:

    You’re so right.  The Chamber conducts extensive interviews, and a candidate must get a two-thirds or three-quarters (I forget which) majority to get its endorsement.  When I ran in Distriuct 6 in 1988 I got the endorsement, a handshake, and a small check from COMPAC.

    Labor gets people on the ground knocking on doors, passing out literature and lawn signs.  Too many voters believe that the person with the most lawn signs early on must be the best candidate.  But bottom line—labor gets voters out, busines writes a little check and forgets about it.

    So, we have a council dominated by south bay labor council minions.

    Money must be accompanied by precinct walkers for a candidate to succeed.

    John Michael O’Connor

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