AARP Outraged Over Plans for Hunting Club
Just days after angry protests stopped a controversial plan to hire archers to kill a growing and bothersome deer population at The Villages adult community, the California Department of Fish and Game (CDFG) fought back by announcing plans to “thin” the elderly residents of the popular upscale retirement enclave.
“This is outrageous,” exclaimed AARP President Erik Olsen. “You can’t just kill human beings because they graze too much!”
CDFG Director Ryan Broddrick said that if the fledgling hunting village is successful, they might consider franchising. “We aim to make this a great success,” he said. “In doing so, we have set up tree stands near the bingo parlor where hunters will have ample opportunity to bag the various native species that roam the land.”
In order to quell the anticipated furor and public repulsion, Mr. Broddrick has set ground rules that he assures will promote the just and humane disposition of the targets.
“Only bow hunting and hand-to-hand combat will be allowed,” he promised. “And personal residences, cafeterias and the Emergicare will be off limits to hunters.”
The AARP has filed a lawsuit to stop the venture but that hasn’t deterred CDFG. “They will eventually see the benefits,” Mr. Broddrick said, “no-cost disposition of the body, quick and painless expiration, and the next-of-kin will be able to visit the preserved heads mounted in the dens of the hunters. Remember, the deer didn’t land on The Villages, The Villages landed on the deer.”
The hunting club will be open to the public and thinning season will begin in mid-September and run through the end of October. Hunters wanting to participate must be licensed bow hunters with the State of California, trained in the art of guerilla warfare or relatives of Dick Cheney.
Mr. John, I certainly hope your elderly parents don’t live anywhere around the villages. Also, I believe, although I liked most of your new idea, I think that a taxidermist would be more appropriate than simply a head mounting.
Another group that needs to be “thinned” are my co-workers. LOUD, OBNOXIOUS, LAZY DEADBEATS. Not only that, but they wear EXCESSIVE AMOUNTS of CHEAP COLOGNE. Oh, and also they’re SLOPPY SLOBS.
Have a good day, I know I WON’T.
Geezer Thinning Project at The Villages
Tips for Hunters
1. Under normal circumstances there is no need to lead your prey.
2. Remember, in temperatures under 80 degrees, arrows may have to penetrate four or more layers of clothing.
3. Shooting at operators of motorized vehicles is prohibited (Exception: Rascal scooters and motorized wheelchairs).
4. Avoid shooting at groups as it can be difficult to distinguish an individual target in a sea of pastels.
5. When sighting in on sunny days, be aware that oversized sunglasses can cause a blinding reflection.
6. A hindquarters shot may or may not qualify as a clean kill: Depends.
George, not to be demeaning the world’s oldest profession and your entrepenuial endeavors but didn’t the City quit issuing a business license for those?
I gave up hunting deer many years ago because I could never find any. Now I’ve learned that the Honkers (Canada Geese), Mallard Ducks and the California Black Tailed deer are thriving at the Villages.
I would like to make a suggestion to the Dept of Fish and Game, and the Forest Service to franchise the Villages all over the country. This would effectivley insure that our endangered species would have a chance to multiply. What are those folks doing out there that attracts so many wild critters. And why do they have a gated enclosuer?
I’m headed out there today. I could use a wild critter or two in my life these days.
Gil Hernandez