Beleaguered Former Dictator Elected to Head United Way

Breadth of Experience Tips Scales to Despot

Immediately following the controversial appointment of City Manager Del Borgsdorf as Chairman of the Board of United Way Silicon Valley, the Board made what headhunters are calling a “coup” by hiring former Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein, as president.

Negotiations were started Monday with the Iraqi Special Tribunal who owned Mr. Hussein’s rights after he was plucked from a dank spider hole in Tikrit.  The talks were concluded late Wednesday when the tribunal agreed to trade the former leader in exchange for being placed on their national “do-not-call” registry.

Although he’s considered a flight risk, the board feels that the potential reward of a Hussein-Borgsdorf run operation is well worth the chance.  “We feel these men are consummate professionals,” said a board member, “and as such, can check their problems at the door and focus on the business of this great organization.”

An official press release from United Way Silicon Valley circulated early Thursday stated, “the board is excited… it is not often you find someone with Mr. Hussein’s breadth of experience… managing a large number of people, and running a whole country under very difficult circumstances.”

Many non-profits consider Mr. Hussein’s use of nerve gas, chemical weapons, torture, and assassination obstacles to effective team building.  And although the United Way admitted to some early skepticism, the Board was said to have satisfactorily vetted the former tyrant.  The exoneration came after several members of his elite Republican Guard corroborated his story of an extended vacation in the south of France during any alleged genocide.

“We understand Mr. Hussein’s gangbanging is in the past,” said Del Borgsdorf.  “Besides, coming from the Gonzales administration, I am familiar with his autocratic style of leadership and political tactics, and I think both skills will serve us well with our fundraising goals.”

It will be several months before Mr. Hussein takes over control of the troubled non-profit organization as he continues his assimilation into American culture after living in a cage in his underwear, subsisting on Cool Ranch Doritos and Diet Pepsi for the past two years.

13 Comments

  1. Will Joe Guerra and Chemical Ali be providing tech support to United Way of Silicon Valley?  Here’s another oportunity for our Valley to innovate.  Much of the demand for social services is based on the fact we have so many needy people.  Joe and Ali can reduce the demand for services by harnessing the energy (or gas) of our region. Both Joe and Ali have extensive experience in doing what needs to be done to control the use of expensive resources.  Can’t wait to see the results of this new partnership.

  2. As one of those unshakable “glass is half-full” guys, I am breathing a sigh of relief over Mr. Borgsdorf’s selection of Saddam Hussein. Sure the man comes with some baggage, but any assessment of his record shows that he is nowhere near as divisive, tribalistic, or skilled in extortion and hyperbole as is Jesse Jackson, who was also reportedly under consideration.

  3. I’d like to know who negotiated his salary and benefits.  If it was Mayor Gonzo when will we know what his real salary is?  If he changes unions will we have to pay the extra costs envolved.

  4. #3 HJ, He gets a salary?? Maybe Mr. Mayor should pay his salary from one of his Swiss bank accounts, or other funds he has accumulated while in office…

  5. Master-stroke, John IV!  Nice going,  Saddam is an innovator and needs another shot a managing something.  It’s been over 2 years of tedium – what with watering his ficus tree in Bagdad.  The United Way gig in San Jose is perfect – know him so well – I know he’ll be great.  You have my confidence.  TA.

  6. dear san jose:

    Instead of engaging one another in political satire and barbs, why don’t the operators and users of the San Jose Inside site get together and do something real. 

    For example, why don’t we organize a rally and call for the mayor and city manager’s resignation?  Or, would that cut into everyone’s lattee slurping schedule too much?

    Pete Campbell

  7. For Immediate Release:September 1, 2005
    Contact:  David Vossbrink, (408) 535-4840
    Communications Director, Office of San Jose Mayor Ron
    Gonzales

    San José Responds to Grand Jury Report on Norcal Garbage Contract
    City’s proposed official response disputes Grand Jury claims

    San José —— In a comprehensive official response released today, the
    City of San José disputed claims made by the Santa Clara County Civil Grand
    Jury regarding the city’s contract with Norcal for garbage services.

    The proposed response was submitted to the San Jose City Council by Mayor
    Ron Gonzales, City Manager Del Borgsdorf, and City Attorney Rick Doyle. It
    includes an extensive collection of staff reports, council meeting
    transcripts and DVDs, and emails and correspondence related to the San Jose
    garbage contract issues since 1997.

    They recommended that the City Council give the Grand Jury the proposed
    response pending the completion of an independent investigation expected
    later this year.

    “The Grand Jury was wrong about the three principal claims it made about
    the Norcal contract, as the volumes of documents attached to the city’s
    response confirm,” said Gonzales.
     
    “First, there could not be any ‘deal’ between the Mayor and Norcal in 2000
    that required the city to pay for additional labor costs.  Only the City
    Council can approve changes to the terms of a contract, and my only promise
    was to ask the council to consider changing the contract when all facts were
    known.”

    The mayor noted that over the past five years the city council was advised
    on many occasions of the potential for additional labor costs to meet the
    council’s goals for labor peace and worker retention when new contractors
    began providing garbage services in 2002.

    “When the council approved the amendment to the Norcal contract in December
    2004, they were completely aware of all the issues and costs,” he said.

    “And third, the Council was aware of rising costs of labor when it approved
    a multi-year strategy for garbage rates in June 2003, especially in light of
    its lengthy public discussion of the impact of prevailing wages for garbage
    workers in September 2001.”

    The proposed response prepared by the mayor and city staff is based on
    extensive public information and documentation already available.  It will
    be discussed by the San José City Council at its regular meeting on Tuesday,
    September 13. The city is required to officially respond to the Grand Jury
    Norcal report by September 14, ninety days after the report was released. 

    In June the City Council approved the mayor’s recommendation to retain an
    independent, professional, and unbiased investigator to review the Grand
    Jury’s claims about the Norcal agreement.  The investigation has not started
    yet, and likely will not be completed until later this year.

    Gonzales again pointed out the substantial public benefits of the
    competitive process for garbage services and the specific results provided
    by the Norcal contract since the transition to new services in July 2002. 

    §San José garbage rates remain below average for cities in the
    region, even with rate increases over the past five years.

    §The overall costs of these services to the public over the
    eleven-year period of the contract are nearly $40 million lower than what
    they would have been with the prior contractors, even with the additional
    cost of labor reflected in the amendment to the Norcal contract.
     
    §Recycling services for the public have been enhanced, and San José
    leads all major cities in California with its 62% rate of diversion of
    recoverable material from landfills.

    §Workers employed by prior contractors had full and fair opportunity
    to find employment with the new contractors, without suffering cuts in wages
    or benefits.  There has been labor peace with no disruption of garbage
    service in our community due to labor issues.

    §Customer satisfaction with the quality of their garbage services,
    measured by the City’s regular community surveys and customer feedback,
    remains excellent.

    “We’ve achieved a good result for San José customers, who now have better
    garbage services at below-average costs compared to other local cities. In
    addition, we have made sure that the hard-working men and women who do the
    dirty job of sorting through garbage by hand every day are paid decent
    wages.” 

    The city’s and the mayor’s responses to the Grand Jury report, along with
    supporting materials, can be found at http://www.sanjoseca.gov.

    #  #  #

  8. HOW EVENTS UNFOLDED

    July 2000: Norcal Waste Systems submits bid for San Jose garbage contract, including subcontract with California Waste Solutions, that assumes recycling plant workers will take a pay cut.

    October 2000: Teamsters union, which represents the workers, complains to Mayor Ron Gonzales and city council that Norcal’s low bid came at expense of workers. Gonzales cuts private deal with Norcal promising to support extra city payments to cover cost of restoring worker pay.

    March 2001: Council approves $250 million, 11-year deal with Norcal.

    February 2003: Gonzales oversees labor negotiations between California Waste Solutions and Teamsters. Gonzales asks City Manager Del Borgsdorf to propose garbage rate increase to cover the additional worker pay, which will cost $2.15 million a year. Borgsdorf and Environmental Services Director Carl Mosher send memo to council attributing pending rate increase to “down-turn in the local economy.’‘

    April 2003: Mosher issues public notification of pending 9 percent rate increase, telling the public and city council the money is “needed to cover rising costs’’ but not disclosing the labor cost.

    May 2003: City council approves 9 percent rate hike—$1.40 a month—with Mosher saying the money was needed for five different reasons, none of which were the labor costs.

    June 2004: City administration seeks and receives council approval for an additional $1.50 increase in garbage rates, also to help cover the labor costs.

    September 2004: Council endorses on 7-3 vote Gonzales’ plan to pay Norcal $11.25 million for first five years of Teamster agreement; Gonzales and deputy city manager declare payment can be made without rate increase.

    June 2005: Santa Clara County civil grand jury issues report charging Gonzales with engaging in a “four-year course of deception, concealment and misrepresentation’’ concerning his secret deal with Norcal.

    Thursday: Gonzales submits response to grand jury report.

  9. Watergate was a third rate burglary that took down a President.  After the burglars were arrested, he simply covered up the facts and continued to lie about it to the public.

    Gonzo may have made a reasonably good business move with the NorCal contract by considering adjusting the rate to meet the increased labor costs.  The actual decision to increase garbage rates belongs to the Mayor AND the City Council. The evasive and delay tactics of this Mayor put him on the same ethical level as Tricky Dick.

  10. J-Mac:

    So, did Sadam negotiate into his contract with United Way a palace to live in when he gets here?  Will Richard Meier be the architect?  Does the palace include furntiture & IT? Will it have a big multimedia room? Who got the phone system contract? How many dollars will be saved over 50 years by consolidating all of Sadam’s palaces into one?  Will it be a couple of hours from San Jose like Mosher’s house, or will it be in a redevelopment area and thus require 20% low income rooms?  That could be the harem’s quarters, right?  Will they have to pay overtime to the Elite Guard? Does he get to work out at The San Jose Athletic Club?  How about a luxury box at The Tank?

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