“Granny Units” A Trademark Violation They Claim

In what most legal experts are calling a landmark test-case, the National Association of Mothers-in-Law (NAMinL) has filed suit in Superior Court over the city’s claim that the newly approved accessory housing units are “granny units.”

Thousands of Reports Said to be Mothballed for No Good Reason

An obscure room at City Hall that contained all of the reports commissioned by San Jose in its past, has collapsed and fallen through to the floor below under the sheer weight and volume of paper.

Developer to Transform Historic Mansion into Condos

Ignoring protests from the Preservation Action Council, the Planning Commission, the California State Preservation Group, and the National Historic Association, the city approved the transfer of the historic Winchester Mystery House to KB Homes for a luxury condominium development.

Spring Training Trip Finally Off the Front Page

The news that San Jose had lost out on the $3 billion stem-cell research center came with a nonchalant shrug from the mayor who said, “At least you’re not talking about that damn Cactus League trip again.”

Noise Problem Solved They Declare

Angry airport neighbors, up all night listening to America West planes land, were awakened early this morning by a knock on their door from FAA agents delivering the popular Apple iPod MP3 player and an apology.

Running of the Supervisors to Replace Defunct Car Race

Organizers of this summer’s downtown San Jose Grand Prix have alienated a supportive San Jose community by canceling the much-anticipated Champ Car race, citing “inflated gas prices.”  A stunned city council has wasted no time though in replacing the race with a unique event combining Pamplona’s Running of the Bulls and the county’s wellness program.

Calls Vossbrink “Shitty Proofreader” in Staff Meeting Meltdown

The Gonzales era, which in the past few months has been rocked by ethics challenges, scandals, firings, and misspellings and bad grammar, suffered yet another setback after the Mayor threw a major “hissy fit” during a routine staff meeting, reported a source close to city hall.

Some Attendees Literally Bored To Death

In an effort to save hundreds of South Bay lives, the County Supervisors voted unanimously to spend $569,000 to install safety padding in the Supervisors’ Chambers.

“Gesture Necessary to Cover Monthly Nut,” Explains City Manager

In an effort to follow their own “cost-recoupment” policies, the City Manager’s office was forced to direct union workers on the new City Hall project to “stop everything,” and focus all manpower on the installation of 527 state-of-the-art French toll-machines at every office and conference room.

“We CAN Carry San Francisco’s Jock!” Thousands Chant

In response to the debate regarding San Jose’s “greatness,” started by sanjoseinside.com bloggers and picked up by the San Jose Mercury News tens of thousands of people gathered at Taco Bell on Bascom Ave. to dispel the rumors of the city’s inadequacies.

Too Busy Dealing With Goat Ordinance

VTA Board of Directors Alternate and Morgan Hill Mayor Dennis Kennedy offered up a rare apology after verbally assaulting the Silicon Valley Manufacturing Group over a letter they sent urging his support for the Silicon Valley BART extension.

Temporary Stadium Proposed

During a press conference late Thursday night, a mere week after his State of the City Speech, Mayor Gonzales finally released details for his plan to bring Major League Baseball to San Jose.

Lack Of “City” Status Won’t Be A Stumbling Block Says CEO

By announcing its intention of bringing the 2012 Summer Games to its regional shopping center, Santana Row has threatened to make downtown San Jose “redundant.”  Federal Realty CEO Donald Wood, the parent company of Santana Row, said that if their bid is successful against major cities such as Milan, Hamburg, St. Petersburg, San Diego and Tel Aviv, then downtown “should just fold up its tent.”

A Rare Unanimous Vote Sends Tough Message

In a first for the city, San Jose Council members approved an extra $34,000 for the Mayor’s Annual speech to spend on over-the-counter stimulants known as No-Doze.  It will be distributed to audience members attending the Mayor’s State of the City Speech next Wednesday at the California Theater in the hopes of keeping everyone awake.

BART To County Fairgrounds Ultimate Goal

During a break from his new job sipping margaritas by the pool at a posh Club Med in Saipan, former VTA General Manager Pete Cipolla made the brave announcement that accused his former bosses of a secret agenda.

Kevin Shelley calls Gregory’s ethics problems “bush-league!”

In a surprise announcement late yesterday afternoon from his state office in Sacramento, embattled Secretary of State Kevin Shelley announced his availability to serve out Terry Gregory’s term on San Jose’s City Council.