Furious Over Stunt To Steal Daughter’s Headlines
The Hilton family has filed a lawsuit with the Santa Clara County Superior Court alleging that ex-Mayor Gonzales and former aide Joe Guerra have used unfair tactics in order to wrest headlines away from their daughter, infamous socialite Paris Hilton.
“The Hilton family feels that Paris has worked too hard at grabbing sensational headlines to let some small-time, backroom briber steal her ink,” explained family spokeswoman Brenna Bolger. “Does the guy even have a sex tape?”
Gonzales attorney Allen Ruby took exception to her comments saying that “small-time” is akin to slander. “We would remind Ms. Bolger that San Jose is the tenth largest city in the U.S.”
The suit claims that by “diligently cultivating a bad boy image,” Gonzales and Guerra were positioning themselves to start a Simple Life rival reality show to be aired on the Bravo Network. Calls to Bravo executives and the pair’s agents, Saggau and DeRollo, were not returned.
Although Gonzales was last seen sobbing in the back of a car wailing for his mother on the way to court, former spokesman David Vossbrink says the Hilton family has misconstrued Gonzales’s missteps. “Now that he is a free man, he has no plans to start clubbing,” he promised.
In related news, along with soft closings, the council unanimously approved $5 million to relocate all downtown nightclubs to the old city hall building that will be converted into one huge megaclub. Staff reports pointing out its proximity to the police station helped sway most council members with the promise of saving taxpayers millions in police mobilization costs.
Great satire, bested only by Ron Gonzales’s statement earlier this week that his good name has been restored. If Paris Hilton’s people are really watching this case, expect to hear the uber-skank, upon completion of her jail sentence, reclaim her chastity.
Ronnie G doesn’t seem the realize that having the charges dismissed is not the same as an ACQUITTAL. He and his compatriots were not acquited. If Jules Finkelstein had filed the proper charges then there would be a trial in progress now.
In order for Ronnie to clear his name, he’ll have to move himself and Giselle out of the area and let time heal the wounds.
Thanks for a good laugh on Friday John. Maybe Paris’ publicist can help Ronnie.
Welcome back. I missed my Friday morning chuckles.
FF—“uber-skank”—I LOVE it!!!
#2
If Jules Finkelstein had filed the proper charges
Please tell us just what these “proper charges” are.
John:
I believe that Paris Hilton has done more for San Jose than the former mayor has.
Pete Campbell
Side Notes
This saturday I will be taking down the Christmas decorations outside my house.
Thanks for the “heads up,” Todd
The best part of the press release was when Gonzales gave the peace sign and stated “I am not a crook”
Maybe there won’t be a trial as many had hoped; nonetheless the SCC DA’s office was instrumental in giving San Jose a chance to regain fiscal responsibility and respect.
Todd #6—R U one-half of the Todd and Dennis that Mayor Tom is so effusive about?????
Side Notes
Next saturday evening there will be a dinner in honor of Bob Brownstein at the City Hall Rotunda.
Keynote speaker will be John Michael O’Connor, unless he cancels and goes to Club Cuccini.
Now that Ron and Joe are “free men” does that mean that I can stop wearing the bracelet with their names on it and take down the yellow ribon around the old oak tree?
Boy have you got it wrong #11
According to sources, the Hilton family has formulated a game plan to deal with the current crisis. Paris, who is currently passing her hard prison time by using suggestions found in the best selling book by Martha Stewart, “Just Desserts in the Big House”, is busy whipping up tasty prison pies and tarts, and making party decorations from bars of soap, to entice the former Mayor into a romantic relationship once she has done her time. Publicists for the Hilton family have concluded now that the former Mayor’s wife is almost 30, he will soon feel the pressure of her advanced age, looking to trade her in for a newer model. According to the publicists, a Ron and Paris meeting is in the works and any future relationship will tilt the balance of headlines back to Paris Hilton. According to a recent “Ron in Paris” survey, over 90% of the public supports this, although it is unclear if the “Ron in Paris” survey was refering to the possibility of him moving to Paris, France, or his future relationship to Paris Hilton.
I wish they’d both go to Paris, France. It could be the new reality show, paris and nicole traveling with ronnie and joe. Get pairings. They’d make a great foursome can just picture them at Cordevalle playing golf. By the way, does gonzo bet to play golf anymore now that he has to pay?
#10 JMOC – Yes. Also, we like tweaking you because you don’t get angry, but always respond with a funny remark.
And Tom McE luvs U 2 so much, Y?
#17 – We have no idea. We think he has us confused with another Todd and Dennis. Not only do we not own a pizza restaurant, but we would probaby be thrown out of any restaurant we went to. The two of us together have about half a brain.
I think Todd and Dennis are the same two jokers who had that silly blog during Cindy’s campaign. Or it’s one guy and his other personality.