NASDAQ, Dow Plunge in Reaction to BEA Subsidy

Rebound Predicted With Opening of City Pools

A plunge in stock markets worldwide Tuesday, including the biggest drop in the Dow Jones industrial average in nearly four years, served up a sober reminder for city officials who thought that the subsidized purchase of the Sobrato Tower by BEA would go unnoticed.

“We’re the tenth largest city in the U.S.,” said San Jose booster Paul Krutko. “Of course the world is going to take notice of what we are doing in San Jose.”

He pointed out that the Chinese government is adopting the Reed Reforms, North Korean leader Kim Jong-Il has begun wearing a communist flag tie and the Russian government is debating soft closings for their nightclubs.

However, experts say that the world will be OK and that investors should not panic.  Suze Orman, the personal finance guru, had some sage advice for those uneasy investors wondering how the recent events affect them.  “Just concentrate on your little corner of the world and don’t become overwhelmed,” she said.  “I’m predicting a rebound as soon as San Jose opens its public pools.”

The $13.3 million subsidy from the RDA is justified, according to Executive Director Harry Mavrogenes, in order to fulfill downtown San Jose’s promise as the capital of Silicon Valley. “This is necessary in order to complete the deal that delivers another headquarters in the heart of our city,” he said. “The subsidy funds will be recovered from their increased property taxes.”

Real estate professionals were defending the city’s $13.3 million plan by pointing out that it was on the lower end of RDA subsidies. “P.F. Chang’s received $17.5 million, McCormick & Schmick got $22.1 million and nightclub Studio 8 was the granddaddy at $35.7 million—that works out to $67 per booty call,” reported broker Mark Ritchie.

In related news, the City of New Orleans has hired Joel Wyrick, founder of San Jose’s Mardi Gras festival, to breathe a little life into their city’s moribund celebration. “We’ve seen his legacy in San Jose and we would like to return to that raucous, pre-Katrina, bacchanalian lawlessness,” stated New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin.

8 Comments

  1. Great story and why not effect the rest of world.  Hope you were only kidding about the subsidies for the restaurants, if that is true, it is outrageous.  What about all the other restaurants in the downtown. not only are they competing but competing against subsidised restauransts. Now that is tuff for them.  Great blog though.

  2. San Jose RDA Admits Downtown Chumming Project

    FF News—1 hour ago
    San Jose—In response to allegations made by an investigative team from FF News, a spokesman for the San Jose Redevelopment Agency today admitted that his organization has been paying respectable-looking couples to wander around and be seen in the downtown as part of an effort to improve the demographic profile of the violence-plagued area. In an interview conducted just this morning, an RDA official, who requested anonymity, admitted to the existence of the program, while vehemently denying that it employed only white couples.

    “That is preposterous,” said the obviously agitated bureaucrat, “I know for certain that 20% of our hires have been Asians because I‘ve done the hiring.” He went on, “Our studies have demonstrated that the four-to-one, white to Asian ratio is what is viewed as safest and most desirable by affluent residents of the Bay Area.”
     
    When asked to justify this blatantly racist policy he defended it by pointing out that his agency is only trying to balance out the lopsided demographic that has damaged the reputation of the downtown. In his own words, “We certainly weren‘t looking to bring in any more people who look like criminals.”

    Though our reporters were refused the data requested on salaries, expense tabs, and insurance costs, it was confirmed that each couple is kept under police protection at all times. “Look,” the exasperated official said, “there was no way we could put those people out there unprotected. I mean, they all embrace diversity and everything, but they have no experience in dealing with the lower socioeconomic masses. They‘re mall people, for god‘s sakes.”

  3. As part of the new reforms, and in order to save downtown, no cars were allowed to park in downtown San Jose.  San Jose State Planning researchers issued jet packs for all commuters to downtown.

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