San Jose Positioning Itself For #1 Draft Pick
In an eerie coincedence with 49er quarterback Alex Smith, City Manager Del Borgsdorf has cited “small hands” as the reason for his resignation as the city’s top executive.
The surprising announcement came Tuesday in the form of a letter to the council, in which Borgsdorf stressed his positive features of “a strong ticker, six-pack abs and a bushy mustache,” before writing: “Despite these attributes, the environment has moved from one based on intelligence and management experience to one of panic, ass-covering and hari-kari, and I can’t properly grip a sword.”
According to Robert J. “Bob” O’Neill, Jr., the Executive Director of the International City/County Managers Association, proper sized hands are the one thing city managers can’t do without. “City managers can lack several crucial attributes like judgment, common sense and a working knowledge of long division, and still manage effectively,” he explained, “but without a decent size grip you can’t grasp a pencil, hold a briefcase, and you run the risk of fumbling the responsibility of independently advising the city council – and that’s the death knell.”
Although the city used the top draft pick when acquiring Del Borgsdorf from Charlotte, the mayor has been working hard to position the city low in the competency standings in the Western Big City Conference in order to secure that #1 pick again.
“All these scandals have been strategic,” offered mayoral spokesman David Vossbrink. “The problem is, we have San Diego in our conference and they are tough to beat.”
I think we have out sleazied San Diego with our Nor Gal cargabe fiasco, Cisco and many other huge mistakes and wrong doing. I think the possiblity of a trade with San Diego, our Mayor for their’s. He’s all ready been forced out so we could skip the middle man and trial and just throw him out. Conzo could go there and go threw the same process they know how to do it down there.
Have I been asleep? When did the ads start?
Another one of Borgsdorf’s problems is that his team needs an easily recognizable mascot. I’m not very good at this, so I leave it to you guys to come up with some ideas. Ok, I’ll offer up a five-toed sloth as an appropriate mascot.
Yea JohnMichael, you’ve OBVIOUSLY been fast asleep.
The ads started shortly after Gonzo was nominated as the NILMA’s (National Incompetentcy League Mayor’s Association’s) MVP for 2004-05 season. And now that he is the confirmed winner of the award, don’t expect them to stop any time soon.
Afterall, there are reputations at steak here! This is about honor, prestige and legacy! Where have you been? The Albino enclaves of Alum Rock Park?
The Merc had an interesting editorial today that suggested an outsider be picked as interim City Manager. Their reasoning was anyone in the current administration was likely to be another wimp where the Mayor and Council are concerned.
Probably not a bad idea, but it won’t happen for two reasons:
1. Even with its newfound independence following the censure the Cover-Up Council will want a lapdog City Manager.
2. The idea was suggested by the Mercury News which renders it DOA at City Hall.
When the councilmen on the front line fail to execute their blocking assignments, leaving him fully exposed to a Gonzo/Guerra bull-rush, a good grip may help the quarterback protect the ball if sacked, but large hands are not the particular anatomical pair he must have to stand tall in the pocket and focus on his targets downfield.
With the slippery nature of the City Hall leadership, you really need larger hands and “stickem”.
Our good ship “San Jose de Santa Clara” is on the verge of listing badly. Many of the crew were made to walk the plank by Capt. Bligh. Some for Trojan Horse Wines.
The First Mate has abandonded ship. The Boswains Mate has lost his whistle, a war in name only.
There is but one Sailor that can save our ship. None other than the noted Gentleman Pirate and Navigator, Admiral Thomas McEnery.
To save our ship, our Admiral will set full sails into the wind. Has He ever been known for horseing around?
All hands on deck, “Small Ones” too. Any sailor trying to abandon ship will be placed in irons and sent to the Isle of Gonzolandia. No one has ever excaped from this Ilse of Denial.
I am placing this note in this bottle if found, call Blanca and the Board of Supervisors they will know what to do.
ANOTHER MAN OVER BOARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Village Black Smith
Merry Christmas and A happy New Year!!
Lets elect Tom McEnery Mayor of San Jose again.
Dear #9,
I agree. Tom is a great leader, fully committed to a successful, vibrant San Jose.
It’s not just the old timers at City Hall that believe in ethical local government. Many of us have watched the quality of leadership unravel over the last 7 years, with seasoned and committed professionals holding their nose at the micromanaging, narrow view and unethical behavior of the current administration.
Tom, seriously consider coming back to City Hall.
Hysterical article….I don’t know the man Del but you painted a wonderful picture!
Yeah, let’s elect Tom again!
And we can build a sports venue. Hell we can build two!
John
Nice to see that you have not lost the literary skills that the Jesuits taught you. Nice allusion to sports regarding the garbage and Cisco fiascos. In short, the current mayor and his little henchman have attempted to usurp the duties of the purchasing department and to what end but to cast doubt on their own integrity and business abilities. Chuck Reed had most of it right in his editorial piece in today’s Mercury, but he is running for office and certainly has a bias slant that he hopes will create a halo effect for him. The reality is that the DA must pursue this investigateion to find out what really happened or comopletely clear the involved parties. Even if they are cleared, they have demonstrated their inability to look you in the eye and tell you the truth which was always my complaint with hizzoner and the maian reason he did not get my vote in either election.