Expiring on Weekdays Will Cost You
As if dying is not bad enough, in the small print of a county plan that assesses a phone fee to cover 911 emergency response services, the supervisors have included a provision that places a tax on people who have the audacity to die on weekdays.
“It just seemed to make sense,” explained Supervisor Pete McHugh. “Emergency technicians are busiest, stress levels are higher and people die more frequently during the week.”
In a very complexly worded clause, fees rise or fall depending on what hour death occurs: during morning and afternoon commutes, the fee is higher; during lunchtime and late evening, the fees drop. If you decide to check out on a holiday, expect a double fee.
“Death has become a science more than an art,” said Dr Kevorkian. “I sense that the euthanasia movement may gain support in this age of ‘timed’ death.”
But it is not all bad news. People expiring on weekends will not be taxed. Similarly, anyone forced into a prolonged vegetative state as a result of attending a county board meeting, may transfer any death fee credits to friends or family, along with unused text minutes.
“Under the circumstances we have tried to make this as dignified as possible,” said County Counsel Ann Ravel. “But the dead don’t have a union and can’t vote—unless you die in Chicago.”
So, then…contrary to what Chief Dan George said, today is NOT a good day to die?
Very funny, but also very sad, that the people who run this website would use humor to sell more hot dogs at Peggy Sue’s. Will they not be happy until they are richer than Larry Ellison? And to use humor to distract San Joseans from the real issue facing us – CRUMBLING STREETS.
I DO NOT OWN A CAR, but we still need to keep the streets in proper condition so that delivery trucks can make their rounds to our local retailers. Illegal immigrants must be able to buy disposable diapers for their EXCESSIVELY LARGE FAMILIES and thereby accelerate the filling of our last remaining landfills. The taggers must be able to purchase spray paint and markers so they can DEFACE PUBLIC AND PRIVATE PROPERTY without fear of prosecution. Grumpy, grouchy old men must be able to buy chips, dip and beer for their super bowl parties. Preservation crazies must be able to buy cedar and redwood boards at OSH so they can shore-up their termite-infested, ARCHITECTURAL ABOMINATIONS.
The only good news is the firefighters/union tools are so busy pushing Propositions 93, 94, 95 and 96 that they don’t have time to investigate suspicious fires. Those clowns will never put two and two together. They’ll never know I torched the Donner House last year and the Porter-Stock building this year. Let’s see, maybe I’ll torch the junky old B of A building next year. Grand Central Station for BART, I think not.
In addition to the 911 fee, the county is considering adding a $5.00/gallon environmental tax to the leaded fuel used by general aviation aircraft, and then using the money to pay for lead testing of children living around the county airports.
However, airport supporters argue that since general aviation inspires children, it is apparent that the brain damage caused by the lead pollution from GA aircraft is actually turning the children into geniuses. Therefore, the county should subsidize GA fuel so that pilots can fly even more, and inspire more children.
“We want to make all county schools as good as the schools around Reid-Hillview.” said one pilot at the hearing.
J. McE wrote:“Similarly, anyone forced into a prolonged vegetative state as a result of attending a county board meeting, may transfer any death fee credits to friends or family, along with unused text minutes.”
Who do we talk to @ The Taj Gonzal to add Forrest Williams to that list?
Only George could combine his ignorance with admitting to a criminal act and think its funny.
George thinks arson, which fortunately did cost anyone their lives, is cute and funny. He thinks the loss of two of San Jose’s historic treasures is laughable. He is a fool, which the SJPD will find out when they talk to him because of his admission to a crime.
Presumably when he refers to “termite-infested architectural abominations” he means places like the Improv, the Montgomery Hotel, the Scheller House at SJSU, etc.
He is lucky that free speech affords folks like him who have no idea what they are talking about to have the same rights as everyone else. The down side to that though, is he reveals himself to the rest of us as nothing more than a drooling, blathering poster who may also be an arsonist.
Poor, George.
This isn’t funny:
Heard a news report that listed Santa Clara County as the 17th wealthiest county in America. (Actually thought it would be higher). Anyway, how is it that one of the wealthiest areas in the world has government deficits at every level? (around $200 million for the county!).
The solutions are so very simple. What is lacking is the political will and intellect to get the job done. If we’re in a minor crisis…simply declare one. Freeze public employee wages and benefits for two years. Suspend (for two years) all payments that do not go to basic govt. services. Turn off “the bubble machine,” non-essential govt expenditures like the Cultural Affairs Dept, and the Economic Development Dept. (Let the private sector/market define development for the next two years).
It’s so easy…yet so difficult.
Pete Campbell
Yeah, Pete #6, we need to get back to basics.
You can never tell by reading the budget how many B.S. deputy Directors of various programs there are; all making big bucks, and doing nothing much but “managing” by pushing paper up line and down line.
County flacks are calling this a fee; but it’s really a tax that by law must be voted on by the people. Hopefully, if they pas it as a fee, someone will sue.
Anyway, how is it that one of the wealthiest areas in the world has government deficits at every level? (around $200 million for the county!).
Prop 13, along with help from illegal immigration.
#8
Also, a slowing economy reduces tax revenue.
Why should public employees be punished for the misdeeds of their bosses, who are selected by the voting public?
You know, I am getting sick of hearing about all these taxes we are getting hit for. We were once a middle class family and now we are on the bottom because of all the high prices of just being alive on this earth. We live on social security and a small pension and that is it. Soon we won’t be able to live here any more and have to leave our home and move to the valley because of this taxes.
This was funny, John, I have to admit it.
Has anyone noticed the #1 increase on their latest phone bill, no the 911 increase isn’t on the bill yet, the latest $1 is for the monthly line maintenance, rose from $5 to $6 a month.
Love the Chicago line.
#11: they are not taxes, according to those that levy them. They are “fees”. Why? Because “taxes” need to be voted on by the people, while “fees” may be simply assessed by the tax and spend folks that inhabit our government.
Want a change? Stop voting for Democrats!!!