John McEnery Wins Third Pulitzer

Posted by John McEnery IV on Friday, December 05, 2008

Accepts Job at New York Times

Just minutes after Columbia University awarded its 93rd Annual Pulitzer Prize in Journalism for Investigative Blogging to SanJoseInside’s own John McEnery IV, the prominent blog site’s featured and most decorated writer accepted a new post as editorial director of the New York Times, effective immediately.

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Somali Pirates Captured in Guadalupe River

Posted by John McEnery IV on Friday, November 21, 2008

Wayward Sea-Terrorists Strand Speed Boats in Shallow Waters

Several Somali speedboats were grounded at the confluence of the Guadalupe and Los Gatos rivers on Thursday as dozens of Coast Guardsmen quickly arrived on the scene to impound the boats, seize the cargo of weapons and arrest their crews of armed pirates.

During an impromptu press conference in front of HP Pavilion, with the Somalis propped up and chained to the merry-go-round animals as a backdrop, a Coast Guard spokesman explained the advanced methods that lead to the swift and stunning capture.

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Shorter BART Line From Popeye’s to Great Mall

Posted by John McEnery IV on Friday, November 14, 2008

Victory For Mall Rats and Buffalo Wing Lovers

With the likely defeat of Measure B, the head of the Valley Transportation Authority wants to implement a new plan, calling for a shorter, independent BART line, smaller cars and practically no maintenance.

“We just felt we had the momentum to move this project forward autonomously,” explained VTA General Manager Michael Burns. “The people almost approved it, which means they really want us to do it, and with the opening of Popeye’s Chicken and Biscuits in downtown, we obviously have the critical mass.”

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Supervisors to Beam Holograms to County Board Meetings

Posted by John McEnery IV on Friday, November 07, 2008

Hologramervisors Will Have Authority to Cast Votes

Immediately following the CNN presidential broadcast in which the 24-hour news station showed off its new technology by beaming a hologram of Will.I.Am. into their New York studios to conduct an interview with Anderson Cooper, the County purchased the holography machine in order to beam their supervisors to the dais during weekly board meetings.

“This is going to be great,” said Supervisor Kniss. “I won’t have to commute down to San Jose anymore.”

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Silicon Valley Cubicle Workers Protest Proposition 2

Posted by John McEnery IV on Friday, October 31, 2008

Nerds Claim Their Conditions Worse Than Slaughterhouses

Thousands of high tech cubicle dwellers have taken to the streets in protest over Proposition 2 and what they feel is an unfair bias towards the welfare of barnyard animals and a societal insouciance towards the conditions they are being asked to endure.

“My house was foreclosed on, my car was repo’d and I lost my Starbuck’s card,” said one disgruntled cubey. “And we are going to spend millions of dollars giving futons to cattle?”

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