Some Attendees Literally Bored To Death
In an effort to save hundreds of South Bay lives, the County Supervisors voted unanimously to spend $569,000 to install safety padding in the Supervisors’ Chambers.
The move was called “necessary” by County Counsel Ann Ravel after several dozen bored audience members chose to hurl themselves headfirst into the concrete walls of the Chamber, rather than sit through another minute of blather.
Although these recent suicide attempts have reached alarming levels, several county officials hinted that the writing was already on the walls. One employee admitted, “audience members have been crying out for help in other ways for several years now. One man, in late ’03 I believe, pulled his fingernails out during roll call; another woman stapled her eyelids to her forehead during what seemed to be an unprovoked filibuster by Supervisor Alvarado.”
A somber and subdued Supervisor Jim Beall explained how tough it was to concentrate and carry out the County’s business while people were smashing their skulls against the walls. “It makes a horrible noise,” he said.
Health officials are reluctant to call it an epidemic, but caution that if there isn’t significant turnover during the next supervisorial elections, things could get worse. Dr. Colista Torcellini suggests, “The padding is a significant step, but there needs to be a long term solution. I would suggest pumping in nitrous oxide; the supervisors would be more personable, everyone would be happy, and the votes might get better.”
Looks like John has already been into the nitrous oxide cabinet.
If your looking for comedy, try the State Legislature—they’re a hoot, even without the nitrous oxide. If you like mystery watch the Congress and if you are into horror—watch the Bush Adminstration.
No need to commit suicide, just pick the right venue.
With all of the people in Santa Clara County you would think you could find some people who aren’t driving others to suicide. You are right this is one sad group of people. Great article, you are funny.
It is a really sad state of affairs: our County Board of Supervisors. Talk about a bunch of folks who are charismatically challenged and live in a fog of mystery. Most people have no idea what they do.
Its time to clean house at 70 West and bring some people who really understand the needs of the communities and don’t bash San Jose City Hall every chance they get.
Somtimes I think of the County Board as a purgatory of sorts for elected officials—-the current group would never get elected to higher office and hold their County seat because it is the only thing they can win!
the next thing you know there will be life vests in the bathrooms, to prevent people from drowning! great article john! is it hard writing on nitrous? your the hunter thompson of this site…gonzo jurnalism!
Willie Brown has tons of charisma, but I’m happy to see him remain in that smaller city to the north!
Rich-
Thank you for your suggestions. But my focus is on local leaders, issues and events – the inefficiencies and ineptitudes of those in this valley. Unfortunately there is an inordinate amount coming from the County. I will leave it to you to to pull back the curtain on those at the state and national levels.
And I take exception to the nitrous comment – I never touch the stuff before noon.
My apologies John.
I thought you were complaining, I didn’t understand that you actively choose to watch paint dry.
The Supes aren’t that bad. They have a bloated bureaucracy not unlike the City and sometimes they make the wrong decision (the venue at the Fairgrounds being one), but they also must provide service to the poorest among us. Given current government budgets it isn’t easy.
But I will agree that as a group they are not very entertaining. For real drama, you have to walk across the parking lot.
Careful with the nitrous though, I hear Congress wants to have hearings.
P.S. I do find your musings to be among the most fun on this blog.
The Supes aren’t that bad? That is like saying that compared to Stalin, Hitler was a pretty nice guy. (Okay, I know that Hitler comments always get you in trouble but I couldn’t resist -and for those who will rebut my comments, I do not think they are like either Hitler or Stalin!) Anyways, they are a bunch of people who were coming out of other offices looking for somewhere to land. They try to make themselves look busy: shuffling papers around, holding meetings, coming up with brilliant ideas like the concert hall that won’t make any money. They are probably just counting down the minutes until they can collect their pensions!
Why is it that when candidates get voted onto the
Board of Supes they go through a “dumbing down” process? We deserve better.
Kudos John-another knee-slapper. Nitrous oxide…quite a hoot. I just read that your site was awarded a “Newbie” by the Harvard Lampoon. The Newbies are awarded by the Lampoon to the top three “penultimate purveyors of public precociousness”. Apparently you finished just behind Carrot Top and Gallagher.
Is the suicide barrier FOR the Supervisors…what is it they do anyway??? I think they need to be supervised…
I sat through a Supervisor meeting once, and just kept thinking the teacher from Ferris Bueller “BUELLER…….BUELLER………..BUELLER…….” would have kept my interest longer. Its unbelievable!
There is one public works project that needs accolade. The Arch for Cesar Chavez in downtown San Jose is a great tribute to Chavez. The Associated Students of San Jose State University this year has done a lot of dumb, immature things. But I do believe that the donation they made of 25,000 to the arch was a great gesture, and you all should email Rachel Greathouse at [email protected]. Do me a favor, as today is my birthday, tell Rachel, who deserves civic commendation and a resolution of thanks for doing such a wonderful thing for the city that James Rowen urged you to send it to her. After she is revived, tell her again. The Chavez Arch is a wonderful thing for the city.
Did anyone else know we had a Arch for Cesar Chavez?