San Jose Banned From Using “Capital of Silicon Valley”

Roving Band of Conquistadors Celebrate Early Victory In Naming Rights Battle

On the heels of the NCAA’s ruling that bans the use of American Indian mascots by college sports teams, a tiny band of Spanish Conquistadors has filed an injunction in County Superior Court to keep San Jose from using the title “Capital of Silicon Valley.” 

The two so-called conquerors, dressed in steel breastplates, colorful hats, and feather boas, are upset by the mixed message the techie moniker gives.  “My great, great, great, great, great…my forefathers, the colonists left behind by Juan Bautista de Anza, successfully established this area as a farming community to provide food for the presidios of San Francisco and Monterey,” explained Jose Joaquin de Portola.  “You can imagine our chagrin when we returned to our lands and found that not only had it become the economic engine driving the world economy, it lost its historic title of ‘ El Pueblo de Guadalupe’…very disappointing, hostile, and abusive.”

Although the city must be careful with dismissing such a frivolous legal action, they have vowed to fight to keep the name that has become known the world over.

City attorney Rick Doyle has appealed the decision, which allows San Jose to temporarily continue using the title, and has offered to settle the issue out of court by either a joust to the death, or subsidizing a tapas restaurant for the pair in downtown.  No response was forthcoming from the Spaniards.

“Though we care for the plight of these nomadic conquistadors,” said Mayor Ron Gonzales, “we can not have them wandering around the city with their lances, shields, and cattle.  It breaks a number of city ordinances, violates the anti-terrorist provisions of the Patriot Act, and ties up traffic.  We have made what we feel is a firm, yet fair offer to end this misunderstanding.”

29 Comments

  1. Come to think of it, a golden bear can be fairly meaner than a bruin, or a jaguar.

    Only cute mascot I have ever known is Footsie, the Foothill College Owl,

    “footsie, footsie, hooty hoo”

  2. for the record, I always thought the Stanford Indian stuff was stupid, and I thought the dance at the beginning of the game was insulting and demeaning.

    But, if we go all the way with the NCAA,  A Don, as in USF, was the symbol of the jerks that symbolized the Spanish landowners that broght slavery and everything else.

    So I do believe this mascot names are a lot to be desired, but then again, I do not like Trojans that much either

  3. Pepperdine has non-denominational environmentally correct “The Wave.”  On the sidelines in royal blue plush, it can be indiscernible from “The Raindrop.”

    Perhaps the City mascot could be a walking flexible foam silicon chip.  Oops, too likely to be called “The Chippy,” which is something else entirely.

  4. Hello Gonzales pick up the phone and call the Oakland A’s.  Here’s what Lew Wolff said on the Athletic Nations website.  Notice San Jose anywhere? 

    While Gonzales has been cutting garbage deals and lying to the grand jury Oakland has moved ahead of us.  Is there any reason for him staying in office

    Wolff:  We have time to look at Portland and Las Vegas and places that people keep hearing about.  Our focus is in our territory, which is really a district.  Our district includes, Alameda County, Contra Costa County and I think Monterey too (laughs), we’re not moving down there.  We don’t have Santa Clara because that was somehow shifted over to the Giants.  I am focused totally on our district.  In order of priority, I would like to be in the city of Oakland, if we could.  If not, something to do with the city and county through the JPA, and otherwise, the county.

    http://www.athleticsnation.com/story/2005/8/3/241/83864#commenttop

  5. Capitol of SV is out? 
    How about Capitol of Silicon Mecca?

    We could start an annual hi-tech Hadj where once a year geeks from all over the world make a pilgrimage to the valley and walk around the big Frye’s 12 times.

    Fasts are broken with the 99 cent coke and hot dogs.

  6. I am just saying that I think mascots are silly to begin with.  If a person wants to ride around a chariot, well, okey dokey.  I am just wondering how politically correct should we be?

    Either we go all the way to review mascots, or we do not review mascots.

    My solution is to let the students and alumni of each school vote onr way or another on whicherver mascot they want, and left it at that.  If the NCAA wants to deal with mascots, and not grades, fine and dandy.

    Ps, why do we celebrate hurricanes in Miami??

    How about the Florida State Hanging Chads?

  7. acutally Leigh Weimers did a column on the observations of one Silicon Valley exec which indicated that a foreign observer of Santa Clara Valley wrote that we were a desert community.

  8. “Fallon’s Shadow” would like to school us on history. I would like to school him (or her) on human nature.

    From a strictly evolutionary perspective, the Native Americans got from European man exactly what they deserved. Their technologically stagnant society was treated as all such societies have been throughout history: it was devoured by superior foreigners (superior as determined by outcome—Nature’s measure). Their doom was inevitable because of the abundant land they held, and their fate was sealed way back when man first hoisted a sail to a mast. Yes, in our history here things at times got ugly. Many suffered; many died. Disease was introduced, hate and greed were rampant, murder was sanctioned. But its ugliness was nothing unique; a tragedy much like those played out before, in every corner of the world, by every people—even those who sleep in teepees.

    And in the end winners were stronger and more abundant than the losers had ever been. According to Nature’s scorecard this was a great victory. It was Man using his unique brain and his innate ambition just as She had envisioned.

    Those who wish things could have been otherwise need to find a new planet. There is no tender reality to be found here. Those who wish to learn things from our history need to concede Man’s barbarism and recognize that what we fortunate few have here in America is and will always be coveted by envious and greedy others. Strength, vigilance, and an indomitable will are the one, two, three of survival, and a society that sheds tears for the vanquished while disparaging the brave, imperfect men who delivered to it unprecedented security and prosperity is a society confused—one broadcasting its weakness to the world.

  9. Fallon’s Shadow-
    “…mal contents babbling…” That’s rich!
    It’s interesting that you would suggest Tom, or anyone else who has so closely studied history, “is unfortunate in his misunderstanding of the political landscape of 1846.”
    Could it be that history is open to more than one interpretation?

  10. John’s poking fun at Tom’s desire for “meaningful exposure of history” begets a discussion that most of you mal contents babbling about nothing on this blog are clueless about; that understanding history profoundly affects how a community feels about itself. John didn’t make up the story about a roving band of conquistadors, as many years ago historian Austin Warburton, a descendant of our Hispanic settlers, lead a band of modern day conquistadors down the San Francisquito Creek and tried to reclaim some untitled land for the King of Spain.

    Romantic stories of conquest and power hide the true meaning of historical events – the tragedy of exposing smallpox to an a Native American population who had not developed anti-bodies to resist it, internal struggles between the Franciscans and the Spanish military over colonial intentions in the frontier of California, the lingering antagonisms between the US and England that brought the fleet of Commodore Sloat to the California Coast to claim California in order to block English aggression, issues of religion and freedom of expression that drove early pioneers Westward, and the displacement of Californios from their homeland who had initially welcomed Irish Catholic immigrants from the East only to have California trampled later by greedy Americans looking for easy money in the Mother Lode.

    Tom is to be commended for making history a part of the political landscape, but it is unfortunate that his misunderstanding of the political landscape of 1846 resulted a modern event that fractured and polarized our ability to interpret history in our modern times. Narrow mindedness in the name of progress continues to destroy important artifacts of our past as we write; the De Anza Foothill College Board (blind to its history) voted last week to demolish the Willard Griffin House at Foothill College, Stanford is applying for permits next week to demolish the remaining radio antennas of the historic Bracewell Observatory, and no one seemed to complain when City Parks and Barry Swenson Builder scraped the site of San Jose Historic Landmark #3 (Pellier Park) without applying for a permit and holding a public hearing before the landmarks commission as required by city ordinance.

  11. Thanks for the welcome Novice, but this is Tom, John, Jude, and Kevin’s blog, and the lack of attention by the comment’rs of the applicable journal entry fills this site with lots of tedium. Tom’s commentary of the 10th with his “hope for meaningful exposure of our history” is what interests me in this forum. Our collective interpretation of history is an evolving process that requires constant investigation into the facts that consititute the past. Tom’s fictional local history book (McEnery 1978, p.106) references facts in creating a story – but its just a story, a well written and entertaining one at that.

  12. No, as I said before, I don’t use my name because I don’t want to be accosted by ‘ultra tolerant’ co-workers or neighbors or types that have briefcase issues.

  13. translation, I am too scared to use my name because I want to take shots at people, and hide

    as they say, it is easy to make the snides when you could hide and the be righterous about it

  14. This all sucks.  What happened to the Stanford Indians.  How about Notre Dame fighting Irish.  Do you think that stupid student in the leprecon outfit is something the Irish like to see but go ahead use us abuse us we’re catholic were’re used to it.

  15. James –

    Not sure what got your all riled up? 

    I think Notre Dame should change their name to just Irish People, then Cleveland Indians should be the Cleveland Men, and the Atlanta Braves, can be the Atlanta Baseball Team.  Then no one can get offended.

  16. Good question, and I appreciate your being polite in asking.  Nothing wrong with using a moniker to give stories on the inside or just wanting to be whoever you are.  It is the people that make the snide swipes and then say, “oh I am being this way for the good of my neighborhood”, when it is actually that they want to hide and snipe that are, well it rimes with howard.  But that is not you.  So, let me say as you are asking in a good way, I am riled over the debate about the mascots.  It is silly and a waste of time, and if we are going to do it, let’s go all the way with the PC.

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