“Gesture Necessary to Cover Monthly Nut,” Explains City Manager
In an effort to follow their own “cost-recoupment” policies, the City Manager’s office was forced to direct union workers on the new City Hall project to “stop everything,” and focus all manpower on the installation of 527 state-of-the-art French toll-machines at every office and conference room.
The idea was conceived in a late night, time-and-a-half-fueled session of several important and influential department heads, charged with figuring out how to staunch the flow of taxpayer money wasted by inept city staff. The concept is that properly registered lobbyists could “just throw a quick donation into the machine, and without slowing down, they’ve gained immediate access to the City’s offices,” explained one of the department heads. “This move alone could save millions of dollars in receptionist salaries…There is no need to screen anymore.”
The Coalition of Good, Decent & Honest Lobbyists was incensed when they heard the news. In an official press release, Executive Director James Moneypacker wrote, “What are the rates? How do we know how much to pay?”
“What a ridiculous question,” said one city staffer. “The obvious answer is that it depends on the size of the favor. There is a code amongst lobbyists; they know the difference between a general plan amendment and a Conditional Use Permit. If they don’t pony up enough they will be castigated by their own.”
Testing on the first machines seemed to be going well. The professional actors hired to portray the lobbyists were dressed in expensive suits and sunglasses, and asked to be selfish and pompous while testing the machines. A nervous moment came when one actor tried to use a credit card, which caused one of the machines to fail.
“No worries,” explained a calm city employee. We haven’t posted all of the signage yet…These machines take cash-only; we don’t want any paper trail.”
Nicely done!
Gives new meaning to “Paper or Plastic?”
I’ve also heard that people looking a parking space downtown (after city hall opens) will be charged per lap around any block.
I’m going home
M. Hade Nuff
If you can’t hang em, squeeze em!
Those machines could break the city. There are so many floors in that new City Hall that buying those machines might be as costly as that contract with Cisco. How many city employees are there anyway. From the size of that City Hall it seems every lobbist could move in.
What’s the charge for a tiny, tiny, tiny unit added to property?????? Should be a tiny, tiny, tiny fee, right???
Ethics in government is decaying everywhere. Look at San Jose State next door to the new city hall where a group of progressive students were almost denied a spot in the student elections because they wrote a letter to the editor that was too progressive for the administration’s taste.
By blogs, citizens take back what lobbyists used to covet, information.
check out San Jose Inisde every day to get the best information on San Jose politics. For san jose state issues, check out
http://www.spartanblog.blogspot.com
If you want to let President Don Kassing know that progressive students have freedom to, email him at [email protected] and ask why does a letter to the editor in the Spartan Daily get a student candidate banned from participating in the election for five days.
I went to SJSU and saw firsthand this @$$’$ work. He tries to get all the glory for what goes right, which was little, and stays quiet when all goes wrong. This guy should have been done away with in ‘96. SJSU would not be in the position it’s in now.
John, are you saying we put Coinstar type machines near the offices? I don’t know if that is feasible. HJ has a good point about city hall – I don’t know the upper reaches of structural load weight.
But, nice try.
I am sure these cash machines will look like an ATM in Vegas a few minutes before midnight…..packed!
Right, cos who wants to pay a few receptionist salaries when you could just rely on expensive untested technology?! Fortunately for those getting downsized, there should be plenty of receptionist jobs available, but pretty soon the receptionist robots will be smart enough to apply for those jobs as well as do them